Wednesday, February 22, 2012

In The Wee Small Hours




Sometimes I wonder what I get up to when I'm asleep. I know I toss and turn a bit, from the wrinkles on the sheets. And I suspect that there's some snoring occasionally - but who doesn't? I've seen what happens when Nelson sleeps - there's barking, whining and lots of running in a horizontal position. And I now suspect that I may be doing the same.

And the reason that I suspect that I'm a very active sleeper was because I managed to put my back into spasm while I was sound asleep. I must have been doing the limbo or the tango. One minute I thought I was sleeping peacefully and the next I wasn't able to breathe or move without wanting to cry.

Being a normal hypochondriac, the first thing that crossed my mind was some form of cancer - spinal, brain, metastatic breast cancer. Well, I figure if you're going to have a disease you might as well pick something fatal. Abdominal aortic aneurysm was another diagnosis I made in my sleep-addled, pain-wracked state. But in my heart of hearts I knew it was just an everyday, run-of-the-mill muscle spasm. So I got out of bed, heated up a heat pack and took two ibuprofen. Then I turned on the TV and lay on the couch and waited for the drugs and the heat to take effect.

Did you know that there's NOTHING on the TV at 1:30 in the morning?!! Every channel wanted to sell me something. At 1:30 in the morning I'm not going to be awake because my kids cannot multiply three digit numbers in their heads. I've bought them all calculators so they're never going to have to.

And I didn't think that Zumba was the answer to all my problems, as much as I felt like partying at 1:30 in the morning with a muscle spasm in my back.  Everyone who has seen me attempt to dance (and there's not many of you out there)  knows that there's a reason why I chose running as a sport - coordination! I did go to a funk class at the gym once and didn't even work up a sweat and this was in Summer in Brisbane when thinking can sometimes make me sweat.  I just couldn't get it! And on leaving the gym I had to ride in the elevator with the instructor of the class and he asked if I'd enjoyed it - he obviously hadn't taken his eyes off himself in the mirror to see me standing still for most of the class. So I don't think spending all my hard-earned dough on Zumba DVDs is going to help anyone except the person who's selling them.


What they really need to be selling at those ridiculous hours of the morning are drugs!! Sleeping tablets. Colic medicine for babies. Pain killers. And maybe just a little wine to wash the tablets down with (disclaimer - I do NOT advocate the use of alcohol and sleeping tablets together). Seriously, people are not up at that hour of the morning out of choice. And if my drug ads had a 30 minute delivery guarantee like some of the pizza delivery places, I think everyone would be happy.

Luckily it didn't take long for the ibuprofen and heat to work its magic and I was back in bed in less than an hour. And this morning I've woken up pain-free. And with a great idea that could earn me millions!!

Hope you all slept well last night. And if you didn't I hope you too have worked out your path to riches.

13 comments:

  1. Are you sure the whole back spasm thing wasn't a dream? I'd wear a compression unitard if I could find one. ; )

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  2. I put it down to the weather - hot and sticky..yuck!

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  3. I spend many hours watching the clock at night, but I just don't sleep well... Love your ideas of what late night ads should be.

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  4. Or they should play soothing meditation music on TV in the middle of the night...or something really boring...

    I had to stop taking Zumba class after I fell on my ass and sprained my ankle doing one of the moves... I can't say I miss it!

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  5. That SUCKS. I can't imagine. I hate waking up with a foot spasm. Back - no thanks. And ya what is witht hose commercials and why aren't they seeling sleeping drugs ???? or fun sleep related things. hmmmm

    I have never done zumba but I love dancing!

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  6. I remember one day coming into work and a co-worker was up all night and had racked up about $400 on her credit card due to infomercials. We were cracking up laughing when she bougt this slimming bodysuit that honestly I don't think a year old could put a toe in it, it was THAT tiny. Yeah, that's slim ya...if you could get int it. Hahaha. Glad your muscle spasm went away...those things are not fun!

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  7. I am a thrasher in my sleep. I'm actually surprised I have never put my back out!

    The sheets are a tangled mess when I wake up, while Mark sleeps in a straight line without moving at the far edge of the bed.

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  8. I hate channels where there's something to sell us. Last night I got up at 5 am, 1 hour before the usual time which is at 6:30 am. I don't know why!

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  9. I am a professional sleeper and the last time I was awake at 01.30 a.m. was 32 year ago (sailing on a Navy ship).
    I hope you find soon the solution for long nights sleeping.

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  10. I hate when I can't sleep! Lately it's been just the opposite, I try to squeeze in the time to sleep! I have been known to play solitaire in those wee hours. Or, hey, you can read my blog in those wee hours - I'm sure it's put many a peeps to sleep ;D

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  11. I want to be a professional sleeper like BK. I wake up a fair amount. I usually watch DVDs which is why my earphones weren't where they were supposed to be when I went to the gym today.

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  12. What a horrible wake-up call! I used to wake up with Charlie horses in my calves. It hasn't happened in a long time and hopefully won't return.

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  13. Whenever I wake up in the night I'm too lazy to get up and watch tv, so I tend to listen to podcasts in bed. The trouble is, they are often interesting and I stay awake, riveted. Maybe Zumba and advertising would be better...

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