Do I sound intriguing and mysterious?
Or kind of old because who else but old people use words like 'afoot' these days? Let's, for the sake of argument and my fragile ego, go with intriguing and mysterious.
What is this change, you ask? It's an evolution. My evolution.
It's been over six years that I've been blogging on My Life's a Marathon. I started out to chronicle my journey towards my first marathon and, when I started, I was in the middle of my first bout of overtraining syndrome and had no idea if I'd even be able to run a half marathon again, let alone a marathon. There were other tough things going on in my life around that time too and my blog name reflected how I was feeling about life at that time. That it was a tough trial. Something to be endured. Something to conquer.
The tough stuff hasn't stopped coming. But over the years I've changed and my attitude has changed. I've toughened up and learned to embrace the good, the bad and the ugly. I've learned that a sense of humour can get you through some really tough s%@t and when you can't summon up a smile then your friends and a good run can get you through another day. Then suddenly you're through a whole heap of other days and things aren't so bad any more. And I've learned that I'm stronger and more resilient than I ever believed.
I ran that first marathon. And I've run three more. I've qualified for Boston and New York. I've achieved more in my running than I ever thought I was capable of. I've made friends. Lots of really good friends. Friends who think that running for hours every week isn't crazy but is the ingredient that actually makes each week crazy fun.
I've changed from worrying too much about what people think to realising that people don't really spend much of their energy thinking or judging me anyway so why should I worry? It's so liberating to embrace that truth.
And the really big one is that I've stopped allowing that anxious voice in my head from stopping me from doing the things I want to do. Don't get me wrong. It's still there. I just don't let its opinions matter to me any more.
I feel like the pressure and the heat from the trials of life have moulded me, much like a diamond. But diamonds are a little too colourless and showy for my taste. A synthetic emerald is much more my style - cheap and cheerful.
My boys have grown into men. Wonderful men who I love dearly - which is just as well because they're all back home. And I now have 'daughters' who I would have chosen for each of the boys myself if I'd had a say. They're all keepers.
My business has also changed. I'm getting bold in my old age and embracing this new venture. And embracing the new technology I need to make this venture work. I'm learning stuff. Businessing stuff. It's fun and it's scary and it's given me a new lease on life.
When I was looking into a name for my running tights label Run Amok was the one that I fell in love with. I googled the meaning and there was quite a range from 'act in a murderous, frenzied way' to 'act in an unrestrained manner.' As much as I like the idea of murderous frenzy at certain times of the month when certain people are eating too loudly, I've leant towards the second meaning.
I've been living and breathing Run Amok for the last few months and I realised that that phrase is how I want to live the rest of my life. It's how I'm living my life - compared to how constrained I used to be. Looking for the fun. Making my own fun. Laughing out loud. Smiling more.
So with all this change happening, I've decided to make a change here too. A name change. To reflect the new and yet old (gotta love a paradox) me. Henceforth (again with the antiquated language) it shall be known as Running Amok.