Those Little Voices

I'll start with a little update on Toby's progress with his stair phobia. After basically being called a scaredy-cat in front of the entire world, he decided to conquer his fear. Or Sam decided to do it for him. I'm not exactly sure what he did but he's running up and down those stairs like they're nothing. This morning I came in through the downstairs door after my run and Toby didn't hesitate to race down and welcome me. He even grabbed the newspaper that I'd picked up and carried it up the stairs for me. How chivalrous! I'll be training him to bring up the groceries next - something that I've never managed to teach my adult kids.

And talking about running - it's been not so great for the last week and a bit. Actually since Josh had his accident I've struggled a little. I've only missed the one run - the day after the accident - because I wasn't fit to run after only 3 hours sleep. But Thursday's run left me exhausted with achy legs. Saturday's run was a little better thanks to some great company (thanks Coach Chris and the rest of the squad). Sunday's run was okay - but for the pace I was going, my heart rate was higher than I would have liked. I've done two runs this week and both have left me pretty tired ... and worried.

For today's run I'd decided to only go 7k because of Tuesday's run. I had a pretty bad night's sleep - nightmares about Josh being in danger, which woke me up and kept me awake for hours in the middle of the night. I almost canned the run but that nagging, insistent voice in my head finally got me up 15 minutes late and got me out the door. It kept telling me that I never regret a run.

When I started out I was still thinking '7k' - as well as 'keep it relaxed', 'forward lean', '12 cars in McDonalds already!', 'oops better stop before I get run over', 'white lycra is never a good choice', 'never trust a fart', 'how far to the next toilet?' and 'how did her boobs save her life?' - I still wonder about that one whenever I pass that bus stop.

My heart rate was actually pretty good for the first 6k and I was feeling pretty cocky when I got to the point where I could either go home or go on. So I chose to go on and do the 10k loop. And I finished the run okay but after I was pretty knackered.

So why do I do it? I know I'm a bit tired. I've had a stressful ten days. And I'm not bouncing back from me runs like I was before Josh's accident. My head knows all this but there's that little voice that I just can't seem to ignore. It was that voice that kept telling me on Tuesday night that I could go for a short run on Wednesday morning. Luckily I ignored it. It'll be that voice on Saturday that encourages me to go further rather than keep it short.

I think that the voice is talking a little louder at the moment because if I listen to common sense it means that I'm admitting something that I really don't want to. It means that even though I've come a REALLY long way since the beginning of the year, I still have a way to go. And it means that I still have to listen to my body.

So the rest of the day (once I'd done the grocery shopping) was all about me and recovering. I went back to the acupuncturist for another session and felt amazing when I left. I got home and made tonight's dinner (another chicken pie - but this time there was not a hint of purple to be seen). And then I took the phone off the hook, turned the TV on and just lounged around. Thank goodness work is quiet.

Tomorrow I will be totally sensible - sleep in past 5:30 and only do a little yoga and maybe a short walk with Toby. And then we'll see about Saturday's run - see if the sensible part of my brain can be heard over the reckless voice.