Tuesday, September 30, 2014

The Highlight Of My Day

Sometimes I think I spend too much time by myself.

Actually I'm pretty sure I said that out loud to Bubbles yesterday when we were walking back inside after hanging out a load of towels.

Yes, my life is that exciting! She looked up at me with her cloudy eyes full of the wisdom of a life well lived, dropped on her rear and proceeded to scoot along the grass.

No, not Bubbles - just a graphic demonstration of the one of the joys of dog ownership.

The problem with my business is that there are busy times and slow times. And when it's a slow time it can get really quiet around here. Quiet enough that I talk to the animals. No biggie there unless the neighbours are hanging around, listening to our conversation. And even that's not too big of a deal because I know, from the number of wine bottles that get dumped in their recycling that, if any accusatory dirt was cast in my direction that I could dispel it with sly hints of alcoholic tendencies.

I'm going through a slow patch at work at the moment and I knew that apart from cutting out 43 pairs of royal blue tights there wasn't a lot of other stuff to look forward to so Bubbles' timely actions gave me a raison d'etre. For all of you non-French speakers out there, that means reason for existence. And no, I don't speak French - I've just read a lot of books.

My raison d'etre? To bring comfort to a small, furry companion who regularly gives me comfort and always gives me unconditional love. To use some of the five years of university training that it took to achieve my degree that I hardly ever dust off. To find those impacted anal glands and release them.

I chose the above graphic illustration of the approximate region that the anal glands are found. This was the toned-down version because I was pretty sure that the squeamish amongst you may not appreciate the tail up, full-pucker view of where I had to head. It's also the exact location that I found Bubbles after she'd seen me come in her direction with a tissue and had taken off. Hiding on my bed in full view may not be entirely the smartest thing to do but it does afford the potential for revenge if my tissue positioning is not perfect and the pressure in those anal glands is high.

I have a confession to make here. I love squeezing impacted anal glands. It's almost as much fun as popping pimples or removing blackheads from your spouse or progeny. And can I say that yesterday's experience did not disappoint. I would almost go so far as to say that it was the highlight of my day because cutting out 43 pair of royal blue tights and running 500m reps, although fun, was not quite as scintillating.

The only thing that might have been more exciting would have been getting a visitor to our newly-created bird-feeder.My parents have been feeding birds for a while and I've been getting a little envious of their fine feathered friends. So on the weekend I convinced Iven to create a bird-feeding zone, carefully suspended over the garden so I won't be having to clean up birdseed off our patio every day.

So far it hasn't mattered that the bowl is suspended over the garden because we haven't had a single visitor to our newly created all-you-can-eat buffet. Not one single bird!

I stupidly thought that we'd put out the bowl and we'd be inundated with flocks of cockatoos, lorikeets and galahs. Not so. Word needs to get out amongst the avian community first, it seems.

But I'm living in hope that if I build it they will come.


  1. Thank you for the giggle!!
    I am not sure I could squeeze an anal gland!!
    I hope you get some visitors soon!!

  2. I've never had to do Lucy and it's not something I would want to do, but I can see the pimple squeezing satisfaction link lol

  3. Yet another reason why I do not have dogs!

  4. We have lots of birds in the garden, but things like guineafowl and hadeda ibis that the dogs spend their days chacing out...

  5. Doesn't everyone talk to animals? I think all old people (not you!) should own a pet for companionship.

  6. Oh yuck. I'm another reader who is relieved she doesn't have a dog...

  7. I think this is something my dogs have done when they are groomed?? In my case ignorance is bliss. Wow such pretty nbird!

  8. Ok, the comment on the neighbors? Priceless! And I have never done my dogs' anal glands, nor do I intend to! More power to you.

  9. Haha, nice one! I definitely talk out loud to all our animals...even the fish! The birds will come for sure. I feed birds as well and love it.

  10. I love all kind of animals. I would like to have a dog but my house is full of cats! I also feed birds and .... young bats....!

  11. Oh hilarious! I get the working-from-home and spending time alone thing. I mostly just talk to myself (though not out loud!)

  12. I also have long stretches of time alone during the week but I actually really like it...thankfully no anal glands calling for help, here, though - yuck!

    1. Oh, and I thought the exact same thing as you did when I saw the Clooney wedding on the news - darn, I missed it by a week! I'm sure Anastasia and I could have figured out a way to get a peek of them, right?

  13. LOL I never had to do this to my dogs, both Roussy that I had before and Bella need a trim every 3 months and she does it for me. But I have the same like you, I wouldn't mind if I had to do it. I think we both would be great at doing facial treatments, you get to squeeze all day :)

  14. Yuk! No, no, no - it's not so much the idea of squeezing as it is the smell. Good luck with the birds - they will flock soon enough! (Sorry for the pun - it was there!)

  15. Char! I read your post and thought... I'm home! I put a GIF of my dog humping a pillow the other day and I come to your blog and you have a dog skidding its bottom on the carpet! On the other hand I don't think I could ever squeeze an anal gland... and I'm more like the neighbour with copious amounts of wine bottles in the recycling bin. I have a dog just like Bubbles! In fact I thought it was my dog. I will be back to read more :)

  16. I have a dog that looks just like yours! And he does the same thing!!!! Too funny!


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