Josh Goes To Hospital

I spent all yesterday at the hospital. Josh's hand is now fixed and he may one day be able to play the violin again.

Hospitals are a strange microcosm of life. Normal social niceties just don't exist there and questions are asked in the guise of routine conversation that would never be asked over the dinner table.

'So when did you last pass a motion? Did you notice any blood or mucus?'

'What colour is the phlegm you've been coughing up?' (there's a weird obsession with body fluids - their shape, texture, colour and frequency)

My favourite question of the day was directed to a very sweet, grandfatherly octogenarian.

'Do you have any body piercings?'

Where were they imagining that he might have had a piercing? Do eighty year olds even do that? And did his knitting-toting wife have a matching one?

The sixty five year old man two chairs over from Josh and I was spared no indignities.

'What are you in for?'

'They're going to look at my prostate.'

'It says on your chart that you're having a trans-rectal prostatic biopsy. Have you done any bowel preparation?'

'Yes, I had an enema last night and another this morning. I was really surprised that they didn't hurt.'

I'm sorry but this has leapt feet first into the realm of way TMI! Thank goodness Josh was only there to have his hand fixed or he may have been mentally scarred for life.

But he may not come out totally unscathed. He had to wear a DRESS! It was a fetching mauve number with quite a risque split up the back. He also had to wear an audaciously cheeky pair of see-through paper undies ( not exactly cut for the male of the species). He should have shaved his legs cause you could see his lack of personal grooming right through his compression stockings. And they made hm top off this fine ensemble with a jaunty red paper hat.

I'm a mean Mum. I laughed and threatened to take pictures.

We had to wait four and a half hours until he was taken to theater. Then it was another four and a half hours waiting to be called to see him in post op.

I am not great at waiting. I read. Played sudoku. Had a coffee. Checked emails, Facebook and my blog. Had lunch. Went for a very long walk, Then waited some more.

But it's all done now and despite all the stress and worry I have a lot to be grateful for. I'm so very grateful that he didn't get bumped from the list and he got operated on. I'm grateful that I didn't vomit with nerves (which happened last time one of my children went to surgery). I'm so utterly thankful that I have a wonderful Mum who made a meal for my family so I didn't have to get home and cook. But most of all I'm glad that Josh has come through with flying colours.