Two Dirty Little Secrets

There are two dirty little secrets that I've been keeping hidden at the back of my closet. Way behind my Winter coat that's been stored in mothballs because it's way too hot. Behind my wedding dress wrapped in the acid-free paper and folded neatly in a big box. And even behind my old violin that's covered with dust because it's been there untouched since we moved into this house.

Secrets aren't good things. My Dad had a secret son for 16 years. Finding out that secret damaged our family down to the core and two years after finding out this secret we're only just finding our equilibrium and moving on now.

So in the interest of full disclosure (and I'm a full disclosure kind of person) I'm going to air my dirty linen.

I've fallen in love. Poor Iven doesn't know he's been usurped in my affections. He may suspect just a little but he hasn't let on that he knows for sure. And it's not that I've been trying really hard to hide it - it's just that Iven can be a little oblivious about things.

It's my new electric mixer. It's everything I dreamed of and more. I just turn the dial and I can feel the power. My old mixer had to have the beaters and the bowl scraped down all the time - but my new beauty has a beater that has scrapers incorporated into it. It has to have been designed by a baker. I've used it three times now and each time it's performed over and above expectation.

I'm not going to take my new love for granted. I'll never try to beat up thick caramel in it like I did with the last one (and that's what led to its untimely demise.)I clean it till it sparkles every time I use it. I say nice things to it - lavish it with compliments. I've even bade it a fond good night (and I haven't done that to Iven for a while now. My bad!)

My other secret is that I'm a Feeder. I offer up gifts of baked goods to anyone who comes near. I walk around with teaspoons filled with caramel or cake mix or frosting and I force it into any available mouth I can find. I just realised this yesterday as I was walking down the hallway with a spoon that I'd dipped in caramel and coated with the cake that I hollowed out of my cupcakes. But it tasted so good that I need to share the experience and the calories.

I think I've become a Feeder because it's a really easy way to make new friends, get people to visit you and, in the case of the gooey caramel I made yesterday, it's a great way to get the garrulous and slightly boring to shut up. Plus I get vicarious enjoyment of what I've made (cause I actually don't eat that much of it). And by feeding someone who enjoys what you've created, my ego gets fed.

Both secrets are a little sad and a little sick but I'm not going to change!