Cutting The Cheese

I ate a slice of cheese yesterday.

I know. I know. It's hardly earth-shattering news but you have to understand where I'm coming from. I got sick at the beginning of the year and one of my symptoms was lactose intolerance. Now some of you wouldn't be too worried by this, BUT to someone who thinks the four food groups start with a C (Cheese, Chocolate, Cappuccino and ice-Cream) it was pretty devastating. And it was made worse because all of my significant events are at the beginning of the year - my birthday, Mother's Day and Easter. These are all celebrations that revolve around chocolate aren't they?!

I did try to soldier on initially. After all, my illness had robbed me of the other thing that I love to do most in life - run! But constant nausea, stomach cramps and foul, copious wind wore my resolve down. And after THE incident (which involved a little gas-release in a check-out queue in the supermarket where I though I was safe until the short person behind me came into my line of sight) I admitted defeat. I have been drinking soy cappuccinos and eschewing all potential forms of lactose.

I've found a great lactose-free milk (Zymil) which I can stomach without any problems and a lactose-free yoghurt which I put on my breakfast cereal. They even make a very expensive lactose-free ice cream which I mixed with non-lactose-free peanut M&Ms (I'm female - I don't have to be logical if I choose not to be). But there's been no cheese and only the barest minimum of chocolate (hey, a girl can only give up just so much).

The chocolate that I did succumb to would sometimes (okay, often) cause me to be a little flatulent. A couple of weeks ago I was sitting watching TV with my husband and, because we've been married 26 years and the mystery has totally gone, I surreptitiously let one loose. It was a little louder than I'd planned and I obviously couldn't get away with ignoring it so I begged Iven's pardon. He looked up from his computer with surprise all over his face and told me that he thought it was the ring tone on my phone.

How much does that man love me?!! Even my farts are music to his ears (all my ring tones are musical ones). 

I did wonder briefly which song he though I was playing - maybe certain parts of the 1912th overture or Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass's, Tijuana Taxi (man, am I showing my age but it was always a favourite back when my sisters and I were kids)



He must also think that I'm incredibly popular.

In the last few weeks my stomach has finally been getting back to normal and yesterday, in a moment of weakness, I had that slice of cheese. There has been NO ramifications. Not a single one. No nausea. No cramping. And no wind (more than usual and that I can safely blame on the dog). I'm a happy little Vegemite. And do you know what goes really well with Vegemite? A nice slice of cheese :-)