Thursday, January 10, 2013

Looking For Love - My Little Foray into On-line Dating

I've just dipped my toes into the on-line dating pool.

I know! I know! I'm married. Mostly happily (I'll try not to think about the tissues left in pockets that end up in the wash and the toothpaste tube that gets squeezed from the middle and the dishwasher that's stacked THE WRONG WAY and no, I'm not OCD ... much). I'm even coming up to wedding anniversary number 27 in just a few days. My motto is 'better the devil you know' so I'm not looking to change things in a hurry.

The reason I was on this web-site was as moral support for a friend who is looking. She's tried other ways of finding a partner/boyfriend/companion/lover but it's just not easy out in the dating world. Personally I wouldn't have a clue how or where to start. Honestly, once you get to a certain age it's hard to know who's taken and who isn't, who's got serious stalkerish tendencies and carry date-rape drugs and gaffer tape in their brief case and who is just a genuinely nice bloke who's not found the right person or has found and lost her and is looking again.

I'm going to call my friend Ophelia for the purpose of today's post because I want to preserve her anonymity.

Ophelia had a spare day yesterday and we'd decided to spend it together. We'd had a lovely time wandering around in air conditioning at a shopping centre, having lunch and ticking off a few chores. But the real fun came when we finally sat in front of the computer in my kitchen.

The way it works is you put up a profile of yourself including pictures. You put down basics such as your age, where you live, if you have kids or want kids. Then you fill out your profile with info on the type of person you are - what's important to you, what you like to do, your values and dreams. Then the site matches you with potential candidates.

Ophelia had a huge list of potentials that fit her criteria - living within a 50k radius and aged between 40 and 60.

Then you start shopping. It kind of reminded me of a car sale. You look at the the picture first and suss out any physical imperfections. We immediately eliminated ones without a photo, after all you want to see what you're buying and whether it's got a dent or just a few scratches that you can buff out. Then the ones who couldn't take a 'selfie' or didn't have a friend to take a decent picture also got the flick. Then we eliminated used car and insurance salesmen, men into bikram yoga and that guy who looked like he could have been the devil if you'd drawn horns on him.

The one man who looked perfect (and I do mean perfect - model looks, great physique and interests that matched Ophelia's) was off the market. But we did send smiles to maybe a dozen men. What flirts! Sending electronic smiles over the internet!! We're so daring.

Now we wait until someone smiles back. And then there might be a little chatting - on-line of course. And eventually maybe a coffee date. It's sort of like going to a party and seeing someone you like but this way you know that he's looking for someone too and you're not going to spend an entire evening chatting up someone else's friendly husband.

On the way through it made me wonder whether I'd go there if something ever happened to Iven. Like maybe he left one too many tissues in his dirty clothes and I actually managed to pull off the perfect murder. (Of course I've never actually thought of that scenario before. I have no idea how it just popped into my head.) Would I go out actively searching or would my Golden Retriever and forty four cats be enough for me? And if I went out looking would I find the right person who was looking for a psycho lady who runs too much but can bake a mean cupcake?

All I can say is after looking on the dating site, Iven had better kick off soon because the older you get the slimmer the pickings are. And I will have to become a cougar. Anyone have a Lycra leopard print skirt I can borrow? Actually don't worry - I can make my own.


  1. Cougar FTW! You are a runner, you need someone who can keep up with you. ;o)

  2. LOL at this post.

    One of my managers who's 64 and lost his wife asked me if those dating sites were something because he saw so many commercials of it. I said that they must be working because there are so many. And guess what: he made a profile and found a new partner through it.

    I hear more and more people who meet each other through this, it's hard to meet someone in the real world these days especially when you are older.

    Am I ever going to use it myself once hub is gone? I'm not sure, right now I say no but never say never right?

    Hope Ophelia finds the man of her dreams.

  3. Sending smiles... How very risque!!
    Good luck to Ophelia with her search.

    As for the leopard skirt, I say sew one up now and use it as a running skirt!!

  4. I hope your friend finds her prince charming!

  5. I always say what type of girl / guy do you want to meet?
    a drunk? go look in a Bar...
    a runner? look at a running club...
    some-one with a pc and to much time? then sit at home with a pc and see what you find...

    me, I would go running, Mondays are good, I've see a lot of good looking ladies out there!!!!

  6. Right. You were looking for a "friend" - I don't think Iven is going to buy that!

  7. Haha, I better keep this post away from my wife... I think I'm too chicken to ever think of something like this. That said, I do know of people who really met the perfect partner this way.

  8. Scary. The thought of dating again keeps me married.

  9. So very happy not to be doing the dating scene!!
    Good luck to your friend - it can work out!
    My sister met her husband through a dating site and they have been together almost 10 years!!!

  10. I have a friend who is doing the exact same thing right now and she has been entertaining us with the emails she gets from prospective dates! Wow--lots of frogs to get through before you find the prince.

  11. Such a different world...I have friends who have found their husbands this way. And I too have helped friends set up a dating account. Funny to see some of the profile.s Uggh, I wouldn't like to be in that place. Lots of B.S to wade through to find the read deals.

  12. OMG that must have been hilarious to do some 'online shopping'! I still have that unitard laying around if you're's plain black though so you'd be a puma instead of a cougar.

  13. Oh yes... I've done the speed dating, internet dating and singles' nights. Not a lot of fun I have to admit, although I recall that I often started feeling hopeful, then the constant rejection (or being ignored) became very depressing! But that's me... I'm not the best catch I suspect.

    I have my fingers crossed for her though!

  14. I did some "online shopping" with my daughter one day. It's kinda fun, in a cougar-ish sort of way, to be stalking 21-26 year olds online! :)

  15. I tell my hubby that if we ever divorce that is it for me and men - this whole dating thing is way too hard!

  16. Wondered where you were going with the title! My students write such boring titles. Maybe you should teach the title lesson to them.

  17. Online dating is super crazy (I say that because I have been with Andrew for 25 years and wouldn't know the first thing about dating nowadays)!

    I have a friend that has 12 women on the go because of it. Talk about a hectic schedule.... Crazy!

  18. You are too funny, Char! But I know with your cute physique and great sense of humor, you wouldn't have any trouble finding your next catch (not that I'm wishing any trouble for Iven :))


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