Sunday, January 6, 2013

Wardrobe Malfunction.

Ever had a wardrobe malfunction? I have.

My worst was probably when those see through plastic bra straps were in. People of my generation (ie getting on in years) were brought up to NOT show their underwear. We made sure our skirts and shorts covered our undies (and seriously we pushed that to the limit in the 70s) and our bra straps were tucked in. The showing of underwear was considered, at the worst, lewd and at the best, racy. So see through bra straps seemed a good idea.

And they were ... until they'd past their use-by date. Problem was that you weren't given a use-by date on the packet so it'd kind of sneak up on you. Surprise! I was lucky enough to have both straps do a synchronised snapping while I was out at the shops. I was walking along one moment trussed up like a Christmas chicken and the next minute the chickens were running around the coop.

I was momentarily flummoxed (love that word but not the feeling) - until I realised that it was the best possible place for the straps to go. I could just go down to the bra shop and buy another pair. Problem solved.

Today I had another wardrobe malfunction. And I'm going to blame this on Iven and Sam.

We went shopping yesterday. Sam needed some good pants for his prac placements in the upcoming weeks. Iven had a gift card to use and I just wanted a coffee. We went out to a shopping centre a bit further a field than our local because our local is undergoing renovations and basically it's not fun to shop there.

We ended up in Big W, a department store that's for the budget-conscious shopper because all three of us are cheap! I'd shopped there a bit before Christmas and found a great new range of sports wear by Michelle Bridges, the trainer of Australia's biggest loser. I'd bought myself a pair of running shorts and then the boys had bought me another pair for Christmas and they ticked all the boxes - cool, comfortable, big enough zip pocket for my car key and didn't make me look fat. So while Sam was browsing, I went to the women's section and found myself a whole new outfit. I tried it on quickly because I didn't want to keep the boys waiting and it looked and felt okay so I bought it. Note to self - when trying on running clothes in the change room, make sure you actually move around in them.

It was hard not to run yesterday just because I had new clothes to run in but I was good and kept the day as a rest day. (See, I do follow my training schedule Coach Chris) But the clothes were all laid out for me ready to go for this morning's run. I put them on and they looked as good as they had the day before in the change room and then I headed out the door.

When I'd looked at the receipt the day before I'd had a little laugh because the shorts were called cheeky shorts. They hadn't looked cheeky on me. I'm almost 50 and I've never done cheeky and I'm not about to start now unless the dementia really takes a hold.

Well, today I DID cheeky.

It was cheeky in the way Angelina did cheeky at the Oscars.

I hadn't realised that the side split was split ALL THE WAY TO THE WAIST. So every time I lifted my leg there was a good expanse of pale, pasty, pallid and possibly cellulitey thigh on display. And the hem had a tendency to flip up making the run a lot more risqué than I was comfortable with.

And then there was the top. As I ran, my top experienced the forces of gravity more than any other part of my ensemble. I don't like showing my once-white-but-now-an-ugly-grey bra. It's a dead give-away that I don't separate my whites and coloureds when I wash. And definitely goes against my strict Baptist-don't wear bikinis-don't have your ears pierced-and definitely don't show any flesh upbringing.

I decided early on that I shouldn't worry too much about it - it was just after 5am when I left home so I figured that there probably weren't many people who were going to see me. 

Wrong! I saw five people that I knew while I was out. (One was Iven and he was pleasantly surprised to see me showing cleavage for a change). I had to stop and chat to two of them who I hadn't seen in a while.

Why is it that I can do really long runs and not see anyone and when I don't want to see anyone I see them in droves?

Has anyone else had a wardrobe malfunction on the run? (or not on the run?) 


  1. This is too funny! Nope can't think of a wardrobe malfunction at the moment - only bodily malfunctions!!

  2. You look great in your new running gear! I get the same problem with the tops - but I'll take it over the built in stuff - those tops are just way to uncomfy for me!

  3. It's always the runs when you don't want to see anyone that they all come out of the wood work!
    I had a wardrobe malfunction about 5km into a 26km run a few weeks ago! The underwire in one side of my bra busted out! It was digging into my chest so I ripped it out, ran home, asked Danny in gasping breaths if one boob looked saggier than the other ('No. Why?') and then kept going with one of my ladies a little bouncier than the other!

  4. Love the top, but I'm no fan of running shorts. They do nothing for me!

  5. Cheeky or not, it's a very cute running outfit!

  6. Beautiful photo of you with the running outfit :)
    Have a nice week!

  7. Ha! The shorts do look great though! I don't think I've had a running wardrobe malfunction, but when I got married I bought a strapless bra, then lost weight and went down a couple of dress sizes before the wedding. During the ceremony my bra fell down! I had to keep my arms pinned to my sides to keep it up before I could escape to the loo to fix it. I don't think anyone noticed though...

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  9. That's a double dose of "doh!"

    Spelled "dose" correctly this time...

  10. This post has truly kicked my Monday off!!! I think the outfit is super cute but I know that you have to be comfortable. It totally cracked me up that one this particular run you ran into so many people you knew - go figure, right?
    BTW - the clear bra strap thing - same thing happened to me - panicked and went home immediately!!!

  11. Oh my, I would have gone home but only because the clothes were irritating me. I don't give a crap how I look when I go for a run. I have matching outfits but I put on a stupid (pink) hat and wear a head lamp and a reflection jacket. I look like a Christmas tree but safety first.

  12. Awesome! I think it looks so cute--sorry it is not functional! What are designers thinking sometimes?

    I remember those stupid plastic bra straps. I still cannot get into letting my straps hang out all over the place, though, either. Generation gap!

  13. The outfit is super cute - too bad it's "difficult" :). I actually had a biking top pop off at a co-ed college party once. Surprisingly, I got out asked by quite a few guys from that party (I'm incredibly flat chested :) )

    Happy New Year!

  14. Wait the clear strap things are out? Shows you what little I know.
    Those shorts would be perfect in my yoga class. Men flock to me in droves wearing them. Love the top!

  15. Haha! I don't have wardrobe malfunctions although my wife tells me I do have... :)

  16. Ha! I've had a few pairs of tights not want to stay up, but that just involves a whole lot of yanking them up as I run.

    My most memorable wardrobe malfunction involved a flippy skirt, a breeze, and a large group of high school students on a college tour LOL.

  17. Too bad the outfit isn't cooperating, cause you look really good in it! Maybe with your awesome sewing skills, you can figure out a way to make those shorts more appropriate. As for the top, just get a nice matching bra and the cleavage won't be a problem ;)
    My main malfunction was with my water bottles :)

  18. No running so no wardrobe malfunction, BUT I always find when I'm dressed the crappiest I run into people I know.

    I often go grocery shopping in whatever I've been wearing around the house. Never shorts, but tracksuit pants with stains or holes and same with my t-shirts. I leave my hair sticking out in all directions and throw on thongs. Without fail I'll run into someone I know!

    PS. The outfit looks great! I think comfort is the main thing when exercising!


  19. Hilarious. To read I mean ;) Not serious wardrobe malfunctions on runs but found some things that just didnt work, like pants that fall off, silky shirts that ride up until all of your belly rolls are showing.... no one wants to see that bouncing.


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