Monday, July 29, 2013

Confidential Medical Results

There's nothing like a letter marked 'Confidential Medical Results' to give you letter-opening anxiety. I got one the other day and I knew exactly what results they were talking about.

Remember my post about bowel cancer testing? That's the only test I'd done recently so I surmised that it was those results (and the fact that it had National Bowel Cancer Screening Program printed on the envelope doesn't detract at all from the brilliance of my deduction). I hadn't been at all concerned about the results of the test. But the moment I saw those words 'Confidential Medical Results', I assumed the worst.

I have a tendency to do that. If a police car is behind me in traffic I'll assume that I'm going to be pulled over even if I've done nothing wrong. If the shop-lifting alarm in a shop goes off as I'm going through I automatically feel guilty. If one of my kids complains about having a headache I usually jump straight to brain tumour, aneurysm or viral meningitis. I'm sure this is a rational response in situations of potential crisis - assume the worst so when it doesn't happen your sense of relief and gratitude is almost like an endorphin high.

I had to talk sternly to myself before I could actually open the letter. Something along the line of -'Chances are that it's probably okay and just because it looks ominously official doesn't mean that it is. And IF you did turn out to be that one in 2000 women who ends up with bowel cancer, wouldn't you like to catch it early when it's treatable?'

When I finally had calmed myself enough to open it I only had to read one word to know that everything was just as it should be. Pleased. They were Pleased to advise me that the result of my faecal occult blood test was negative.

It was just like getting my exam results back in my uni days. But without being graded. This test is only pass/fail but it made me wonder if they had to grade it, what would I have been given. As I can be a perfectionist and a little competitive at times, I'd like to think that I got an A+. After all they did start the letter by thanking me for taking part and sending back my sample. I don't think I'm reading anything into it by thinking they'd only thank the highest performing participants.

But onto more important issues.

Today's Tuesday and Tuesday means only one thing. Speed session.

My love/hate relationship with speed continues. I love going. I love catching up with the squad. I love breakfast afterwards. I love it when I can get all my intervals at around the same pace. I love the recoveries. And I love that I can really push hard this year.

But I hate how hard it gets as the session goes on. I hate the 100m recoveries which seem way too short when you've run 1600m hard. I hate that despite my best efforts, I do tend to slow down. And I hate that Coach Chris really enjoys seeing us in pain - the more we hurt, the happier he is.

When it's over I love the way I feel - like I've worked really hard, because I have. We all have! And the fact that there are more loves than hates means that I keep going back week after week after week.


I may need to do as Toby is to get me through the day today. Some days I'm extra grateful that I work from home.


13 comments:

  1. I say go find a sunny spot and cuddle up with Toby, that's what I would do!!!

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  2. Glad to hear everything is okay.

    I'm at work right now and don't feel much like working today. Seeing Toby wants me to go home and cuddle with Bella on the couch. But unfortunately that doesn't pay the bills :)

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  3. Congrats to the overachiever! Toby looks ever so snuggly.

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  4. Ummm....I'm still back on the part where they sent back your sample!! Why?!
    Glad that all normal!!!

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  5. I'm with you Char - speed work is hard, but satisfying!

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  6. I'm with Kim wondering about the sample...? I am always first to admit I don't do speed work. Not for what I'm training for anyway and that is for a few years still. But I still feel like you do after your speed work very often.

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    1. i'm guessing this confusion is really the result of a grammatical tangle in which Char sends back her sample (and they don't send it back to her, that would be a horrible job to have...)!

      Oh, I have such a love-hate relationship with speedwork. I've been feeling like I'm getting slower as a result of marathon training. Then I looked in my training journal - nope, I'm still getting faster. Not even sure how that works.

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  7. ooooh....i have a hate-hate relationship with speedwork! that was the hardest part of the clinic i did last year...give me hills any day!

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  8. I wish Jack and Toby could hang out. They'd be best pals. They could romp and play and then pass out.

    Glad your test results were good!

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  9. Well, that's good news! Though I'm not sure why they mailed back the sample - here in the states they are freaked about any biological samples - N/M fecal ones! I feel the same about speed work - but the post work out pride is worth it, every time!

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  10. I think I need a coach to push me on those speed sessions. On your own, it's too easy to take it easy. That's probably why I still enjoy speed sessions!

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  11. You're so funny. I catastrophise about stuff too before I get results. Although I mostly forget about stuff until it's time to get the results, or I lie in bed thinking about something and deciding it's bad and then forget it about it during the day!

    I'm sure you got an A+!

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    1. I think you need a cuddle with Toby too. Waiting for test results is always scary!

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