Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Anyone Know Of A Good Witness Protection Program?

I'm a little bit late with this post because I've been in hiding.

I've heard some ominous, menacing whisperings that there is a section of the population that wasn't happy with my revelations in my last post. You know - the one about The Code.

Apparently men can get a bit snarky when their secret men's business becomes public knowledge.

I hadn't realised that it would have touched on such a soft spot that men, who I previously thought as gentle, would resort to violence. I was accosted in a car park before speed session on Tuesday morning by a silver-haired assassin. Sure that mock-punch didn't actually hurt but its threat was implied - a little like the kiss of death by the Godfather.

And if that wasn't disturbing enough, I've been getting phone calls. Repeat phone calls where the phone rings and rings and rings and NO ONE LEAVES A MESSAGE. OMG - how scary is that!! 

I'm terrified that someone's leaked my phone number to an Outlaw Motorcycle Gang. Why else would I be getting phone calls with no messages? Well, I guess it could be that someone wanted to order a leotard and actually wanted to talk to a person and not a machine but I'm sure the Outlaw Motorcycle Group is a much more likely option. I'm certain it's only a matter of time before I get abducted by said Outlaw Motorcycle Group and my body is found a week later - battered, bruised and tattooed. 

All I can say is if I'm going to be tortured via tattoo gun for having a blabber-mouth I'd like to request that at least one of the tattoos that I get has a running theme. Preferably making reference to running a marathon. And maybe a tattoo in Chinese characters that says 'The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.' That seems relevant for a marathon runner.

I personally don't understand all the fuss. I thought that it was common knowledge that men liked to perve on attractive looking women. Even unattractive ones when they've got their beer-goggles on. I thought that the fact that they were prepared to suspend their perving privileges for the sake of honour and 'teamsmanship' was showing a level of restraint and principle that was to be admired. Maybe the problem was because it was a mere woman that exposed that there is still integrity within the male of the species. I'm really not sure about the hows and whys - all I know is that I've bruised a few egos.

So that's why I've been in hiding. Except for this morning. Because even people in hiding need to get out for their runs. 


  1. Well, I clearly missed this I'm off to fine it. Stay safe!

  2. I think sharing the code was a good thing. I like the fact that men have morals / ethics / boundaries (other than not going near friends' ex-girlfriends or sisters!).

    Also I think that sharing men's secrets saves them from their partners' nagging....

  3. So you wore a mustache and glasses on this morning's run then?

  4. Firstly I think it was Outlaw Motorcycle Gang calling to order a leotard...
    Then, just yesterday we were ont running when off to the side I spyed a pretty young lady... It was Jess, one of our Ladies, but she was not running with us at that time, so.... (I would think there was something wrong if I didn't look!!!)

  5. All in a day's work for whistle blowers, Char - will you be blogging from the Moscow airport transit zone next? ;-)

  6. Men think it's a secret. They think we don't know but hello ... I've got eyes too. I see how they react to a beautiful woman. If I see a goodlooking man, I also give it a second look but not so obvious :)

  7. You need dark glasses and a hat for your runs, though, if you truly want to be safe! Silly men can't handle the truth...

  8. Hahahaha, the thought of a motorcycle gang abducting you and then tattooing you right before a beating, and you stopping to ask for a specific "theme" to the tattoo is HILARIOUS!!! (Well, only the "theme" part ... I would be sad for the rest of it) Remember ... snitches get stitches!!!

  9. HaHa - this made me laugh!!! What do those silly men know?! You were just stating facts!!!
    If you have to go into the program, make sure they send you someplace great like Hawaii!!!

  10. You need my grandson as a body guard: he is a superhero and nobody can threaten you anymore!
    Please have a look here:

    1. He'd be a perfect bodyguard - and he's pretty cute too!

  11. You're going to have to give up baking and take up communal farming in a little remote part of India .. or something. Sad.

  12. Thank goodness for the Code (and the picture of Daniel Craig :) )! I love that most male runners get it because it sure makes life a lot less complicated. And through the years, many of my male running friends have become near-family members - which could have never happened if you always had to have your guard up with them. I always giggle a bit when new woman to our group show up at 5 a.m. with make-up on. They have no idea what a waste of time it is until the first guy lets out a big fart! :)

  13. Women need to know this stuff. You can come hide out at my house. We happen to live in a Witness Protection program enclave. I'm convinced everyone who lives here is in the WPP.


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