I'm Just Quoting Shakespeare

One of my friends really gets me. 

Actually more than one of my friends really gets me - but for this story I'll stick with the first statement otherwise it'll get too messy.

Anyway, my lovely friend was over in Denmark visiting her son recently and brought me back a gift from Hamlet's castle. It was my most perfect gift. Ever! 

Firstly it's a mug. I do love my tea. 

And it's a big mug. A big mug means that you get to have a longer tea break during work. 

And it's covered in Shakespearean quotes. Which, to any observer, makes me look pretty smart. 

The best bit, though, is that all the Shakespearean quotes are actually insults. Boy, does my friend get me! She totally understands that some people just piss me off sometimes and a little colourful language just isn't satisfying enough to a person who loves words.

"Highly fed and lowly taught" just sounds better than "fat and stupid". And I can't wait to use "lump of foul deformity" to someone who's cut me off in traffic.

What do you mean I'm the 'veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth'? 

I'm slowly memorising the entire mug so I'll have a plethora of erudite invectives at my disposal.  

And if someone actually overhears me muttering an insult in their direction I can just say, hand on heart, with no trace of dishonesty, that I'm just quoting Shakespeare.

Ten days till race day. A tapering runner. Yeah, I reckon that mug is going to be put to good use very, very soon.