I will not be able to do this forever.
No, I'm not sick. Not injured. Not psychic. Just 53 and realistic. And I know realistically that something, someday will most likely happen and I will have to give up running before I die. Unless I die while I'm out on a run - which really doesn't seem like that bad a way to go.
It'll be a sad day when that happens. No more early morning alarms (hmm, maybe that bit's not so sad). No more taking in the morning as the sun comes up. No more feeling the freedom and joy of running fast. No more laughing until I pee myself just a little at something that someone's said (which really doesn't happen very often - honestly). No more post-run coffee. No more feeling the satisfaction of having worked out before most of the city is even awake.
But rather than dwell on what I'd be losing, I looked clearly at what I had. There. At that moment. Right in front of me. A magical crisp, clear morning. A flat mirror-like river that still looked pretty with the lights of the city reflected in it. The Story Bridge lit up like a rainbow.
Friends around me. Feeling strong. Running strong. Without any niggles or pains. An undeniable feeling of contentment. Of satisfaction. Of joy - probably endorphin related.
So I took a mental picture to tuck away in my head with the other mental pictures of special moments. I'll bring it out and look at it when I can no longer do what I can do now (assuming that dementia hasn't hit) and try to remember the gratitude I felt on this day. Not focus on the loss but focus on how lucky I've been to find a passion that endured.
Yep, yesterday's run was one of the best.
So lovely. But hey, maybe you'll run forever. Personally, I'm giving myself 8 or 9 more years.
ReplyDeleteHey Char, love it but think you've got plenty more years of running yet!
ReplyDeleteRead "What Makes Olga Run" by Bruce Grierson. I am never gonna stop running. Something awful will have to strike me down
ReplyDeleteAwesome. Yes, that day will come (maybe) but for now, just enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI love these moments. Hang on tight, and enjoy the ride my friend.
ReplyDeleteSince I had to cut way back on my running, I often remember how great particular runs were in the past. I think you'll always have those memories, and thinking about them is bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteWhat an excellent post. It says so much. There is enormous satisfaction from accomplishing something before most people are out of bed. It makes you fee as if you aren't wasting your life.
ReplyDeleteI'm 46 and already worried that I only have about 40 years of running left!
ReplyDeleteYou will be running for many years to come. Just looked it up, the oldest woman that finished a marathon was 92 and she was a cancer survivor. You still have many beautiful running years ahead of you.
ReplyDeleteAnd if for some reason you can't run anymore, you can always take the fur babies for an early morning walk.
I was totally expecting a picture of your cute little ponytail!
ReplyDelete<3
ReplyDeleteWhat a gorgeous pic!!
I too am grateful for every day I get to lace up my sneakers, and run. I hope to keep it up as long as possible - even if I'm just shuffling one day - hoping that day is far, far in the future!
ReplyDeleteGorgeous pics. I take a lot of them myself, because as I know I can't trust that my mind will always keep the memories x
ReplyDeleteI recently saw a picture of a 90yr old running in a marathon or similar. That might be you Char!
ReplyDeleteThe freedom of running fast, I think I might have to run faster. I still feel like I want to die.
ReplyDeleteLovely post. I agree - you'll probably be running into your 90's!!! I hope so anyway :-)
ReplyDeleteA 100-year old woman just broke a world record on the track here in the US. You're basically at the halfway point! So many more years to go :)
ReplyDelete