What Made Me Laugh Yesterday.

I recently mentioned that I play Scrabble with my Mother over our iPhones and I may have mentioned that I have played some, shall we say, slightly naughty words. Sam and Luke (#1 & 3 sons) also play with their Grandma and it was this text conversation that I had with him yesterday that really brightened up my boring work day.

Luke: Oh God, I just played chode with grandma. I really hope she doesn't get it :/

Me :I can tell you she definitely won't. I don't know what it means. Now you have to educate your mother.

Luke: Haha it as a slang term for the irregular endowment of a mans genitiles in width proportions by ratio with length hahaha

Me:You mean a fat doodle?

Luke: Hahaha yes mum

I love the way he tried to 'science it up' for me so it wouldn't sound so crude. And I really love how he called it genitiles. I'm wondering if he did it on purpose seeing as we are not Jewish and the boys are all uncircumcised. But most of all I love that he's worried about what Grandma thinks (although not worried enough to NOT use the word - after all a good score is a good score)

I needed the laugh because we had a sad loss at the end of my Grand and Glorious day. It was good to post my blog before we discovered our dearly departed Reuben. Reuben is Sam's axolotl and has been freaking me out for the past 4 years. They are not pretty pets. Or cuddly. Actually they have no redeeming features that I can think of at the moment. But he was a pet and I feel duty-bound to mourn him.

Sam discovered him lifeless in the bottom of his tank on Tuesday night. (Not sure how he could tell the difference because Reuben was not the most lively pet) But it was raining Tuesday night and it was late so Sam left him in the tank. His tank is in the downstairs bathroom and yesterday I needed to use the facilities only to discover Reuben's cold dead eyes staring at me. Still freaking me out! I know I used to be a vet but I'm not a big lover of dead things. Thanks to Iven who gave him a fitting burial ... in the vegie patch. Not sure if I want to eat any of our home grown stuff now even if Iven is convinced they will be full of omega 3s.

And talking of dead things, hill session was at the cemetery again today. What a tough circuit! Last time we only did it in the clockwise direction. This time we did both ways and the anti-clockwise is so much harder than the clockwise. Still feeling my heavy legs 5 hours later and am wishing that there was enough time today to fit in a nap.

Grand and Glorious Days

Some days a so great that they deserve to be blogged about. Today was one of those days.

It started at speed session. Let me just remind you that I'm on seek 2 of running 4 times a week and have only just bumped up my long run distance. 24k on Saturday, rest day Sunday, 11k yesterday then speed today. I wasn't sure how my body would cope. Coach Chris explained the session to us. It was exactly the same as two weeks ago - 1k repeats starting every 6 mins for my pace group. Last time my splits were
4:42, 4:39, 4:47, 4:47 (then I had a really long break and didn't start with my group), 4:50. I couldn't do the last rep.

This time my splits were (drum roll please)
4:40, 4:36, 4:37, 4:41, 4:45 then I ran a 6th rep at a slower pace but didn't time it. They're not hugely different but they're different enough to be significant. See I am feeling better.

The next good thing that happened was that I managed to find some jeans to fit my #3 son, Luke. My baby has grown at a ridiculous rate over the last year and is now 6 feet 3 inches. The height isn't so bad - the fact that he only weighs slightly more than me makes buying clothes challenging. If it fits properly length-wise it's probably way too wide. But today we found jeans that fit really well and the length is just perfect.

Work ran really smoothly and I managed to tick off everything on today's to-do list. And while I was busily cutting out unitards son #2, Josh came running downstairs. At times like these I'm so glad I work from home. I get to be there when they need me (and even in their 20s that still happens) and I get to hear all the good stuff first. He'd been offered his first job as an electrical engineer. He'd been interviewed on Friday and they'd rung that afternoon to say they were going to ring his referees so it had looked hopeful. Now he has to decide if he wants to become a Railway Control Systems Engineer. It wasn't quite the branch of engineering that he was wanting to get into but it is a good job in Brisbane in a field where there are only around 2000 trained engineers in the world and the pay is what he was wanting. Whether he takes it or not is totally up to him but being offered the job has been a huge ego-boost.

Hope you all had grand and glorious days - and if not had at least one little ray of sunshine that made you smile.

Eye Deoderant?

I'm typing one-eyed today. My right eye is really blurry and it was the stupidest thing that caused it.

Yesterday evening I showered. And after I showered I sprayed my pits with deodorant and put on my pyjamas. I had a new pyjama top on and when I looked at it in the mirror to admire it's pretty purple colour I saw that it had clumps of deodorant on it. So of course I had to try and get it looking clean again. I flicked at the clumps and managed to flick one into my eye. It was a bit gritty and very resistant to removal but an hour later I had gotten rid of it but not before my eye had gone red. And when I woke up today it was blurry so I think I've scratched the cornea a little. I'm sure it will be fine tomorrow.

Anyway it got me wondering about eye deodorant and its potential. My deodorant is an antiperspirant so it's supposed to stop wetness. How great would it be to be able to spray on some eye deodorant before seeing a sad movie ... or at a funeral? There'd be a few problems that would have to be sorted before this product could be marketed - things like stinging and blurred vision. But I could be on to a winner!!?

And speaking about winners - I felt like one yesterday after my long run. Heaven knows it wasn't fast and the last 4 k were REALLY hard but I finished a 24k run!! That's my longest in such a long time. I've been stuck on 16s for a while and I decided that it was time to challenge myself a little. And the best news is that today I'm feeling really good. Not exhausted. Like I could go for a run.

Health Update.

We had a fun hills session today - and yes, I'm being sarcastic. Hill sessions are never fun except for the company. Coach Chris had us run 6 mins up then 4 mins down them a 2 minute recovery times three. Luckily time ran out so our last rep could only be 3 mins. Three minutes felt so much more comfortable.

The other good thing about the session was that it was a little cooler. We've had the hottest days all year in the last week. Summer should be over already! I've been sweating gallons and because of my dietitians visit I've been a lot more pro-active about rehydrating. I bought some Gastrolyte tablets. They're for people who've had a bout of gastro-enteritis and are really good in helping the fluid get in without all the calories of a sports drink. I'm really happy with how I've been recovering with them.

I've been on my Coenzyme Q10 for a month now and I'm definitely feeling the benefit. I'm finding I can last the whole session and the fade I was getting is improving. My endurance is coming back - yay! I've been feeling good enough to go back to 4 sessions a week. And my distance has gone from 36 to 52k a week. I'm feeling that the money I spent on the Sports Med Doctor was well spent.

Finally, I will leave you with a picture of son Sam's leg. He got this bruise playing soccer 10 days ago. It's pretty impressive. As one of his friends said - that's a manly bruise!

Running Etiquette

Had a lovely run on Saturday. I woke up at 4:45 and got ready. Josh was up and decided that he'd like to come too. It's lovely when your kids decide to run with you. He got ready quickly and just as we were about to leave the heavens opened. I don't mind running and having it rain on me once I'm out and sweaty but I don't like going out if it's already pouring. But I just had to suck it up. I had a 20k on my schedule and it was going to get done!

We arrived at the group's meeting place and I introduced Josh around. Then we got going. How demoralizing is it when your son, who runs once in a blue moon, just trots along effortlessly when you, who's been training consistently and hard, has to fight to keep up?

Anyway, we were running along when I heard a disturbing noise come from in front of me. Not long after I ran through a disturbing smell. Yep! Someone had farted! Cut the cheese! Blasted on the anal trumpet! Tooted his own horn!

It was rank! So I have a question on etiquette - if you are going to let one rip do you just let it fly or do you move to the side, make sure no one's in your line of fire and then let go? And as the recipient of said foul odour, is it acceptable to comment / cough / dry reach or does convention state that the passing should go unnoticed so as not to embarrass the passer?

Opinions please.

Scrabble.

My Mum's and my relationship has reached an all-time low. Yes, it's been a bit rocky over the last couple of years but nowhere as bad as it's gotten.

We've started to play Scrabble together over our iPhones!! I know that makes us total nerds but I've admitted to my nerd-dom many times and am quite comfortable with it. Mum is 73 so the fact that she can even use apps on her phone makes her a techno-genius and mega-nerd. (The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree)

Anyway it started off nicely. I kept whooping her arse and she accepted defeat gracefully but she's learnt a few tricks which include weird two-letter words and words where Q is not followed by U and she'd started to turn the tables on me. So I have resorted to taunting her ('Read that and weep!') to put her off her game.

But the all-time low came just last week. I could only find one decent word to use. It was the only word that would get me back into the game. It was on a triple word score. But it was a naughty word.

My Mum is a very religious woman. She goes to church every Sunday. Hosts bible studies at her home. Plays piano for the hymns and prays for anyone who needs praying for. She protected our young minds from anything sinful, even to the point of blacking out swear words in novels (James Herriot lived in the Dales countryside and not one single farmer swore but sometimes the storyline didn't make a lot of sense)

So with that background, you can gasp in horror when I tell you that the word I used was WANK.

I was actually hoping that she wouldn't know the meaning of it. There's been instances in our lives where bad words have been said without consequence because of Mum's naivety. But in this instance I'm fairly certain that she knew what it meant because the next word she played was PORN.

I have sullied my Mother. I'm going to hell!!

Childhood Bucket Lists

I've hit 48! When I was a kid I only ever thought as far as 37 because that's how old I'd be in the year 2000. It's almost like the year 2000 would come and that's the end of the world - well it was to my pre-pubescent brain. So the year 2000 has come and is now a distant memory and so is being 37 years old.

So how does it feel to be 48? With age has come wisdom. There's been a dawning realization over the last decade that there are some things that I'll never do. I will never get to be in the Olympics. I may get to spectate but I'll never compete and that was high on my 'must do' things when I was 12. And you know I'm good with that. I've made peace with that unrealized goal.

I will never be a beauty queen. Again it was on a very early bucket list (probably written in crayon and misspelt) I REALLY wanted one of those sparkly tiaras. But I'm in a place now that if I HAVE to have one I can buy it myself - always assuming the opportunity to wear one arises. Let's face it, I'd have hated to be up on stage with all those people looking at me anyway.

I will never be a concert pianist. I took lessons for many years but was a poorly disciplined practicer with uncooperative fingers. Yes I mastered the Minute Waltz (Chopin) but my waltz took the scenic route. And I only ever managed the first two pages of Claire de Lune.

I will never own a horse or win a show-jumping competition. Yes, I was one of those girls that lived a breathed horses. I had pictures, statues, books and big dreams. I asked for a horse every birthday and Christmas for years. Again, I'm at peace with my lack of a pony - it wouldn't fit in our yard anyway.

I will never have a daughter. Sure I might be able to push out another baby - but I'm not going to open 'them can of worms.' I'm actually relieved that I have sons. There is no-one else in the house who gets to use the PMS excuse. Makes me special. And I will have daughters-in-law ... one day.

My life, thus far has been good and that's how I can look back on these kiddy dreams with no regrets. I have a husband, three lovely sons, my dogs, my parents, my sisters and their families, lots of friends, good health, a thriving business which satisfies my creative urges and I have my health. I am blessed.

I did have a nice birthday. Thanks all for your wishes. I was a bit tired after working so hard the fortnight before but I got the chance to rest and relax. AND the party's not over yet. I've got breakfast out every day this week bar two with different friends. Friday's will be especially good as Karen from Canberra will be coming back for a visit - it'll be brekky and a talk-fest.

And my running has not been forgotten. Speed session today. 5 x 1k repeats @ 4:42, 4:37, 4:47, 4:47 and 4:50. I'm still having issues with keeping energy levels all through the session. The first repeat felt so easy but after the third I needed a longer rest. But I'm convinced that it is improving.

Just a Few Random Things.

I think Jamoosh may be onto something - it's the hen that's the mastermind.



Those beady little eyes are a bit close-set for my liking. She has evil criminal mastermind written all over her. Whereas Nelson just screams 'pat me'



Today marks the end of 13 long days of work. I've been really busy with leotards and netball outfits and bikinis. So to celebrate I went on a nice long run. (Actually I do that every Saturday but it felt better this Saturday knowing that I didn't have to work afterwards) I paid a lot better attention to my Friday night pre-long run meal this week and the difference was incredible. It wasn't easy but it wasn't as torturous as last week's.

And tomorrow is my birthday. I'll celebrate by going out with my boys for breakfast after sleeping in and then having an afternoon nap. Sounds like I'm turning 80, doesn't it?

Animal Farm

My place has gone a bit Animal Farm (George Orwell). The animals have decided to unite and rebel against their captors. I'm not too sure who the rebel leader is - but I'm thinking it's Nelson our 13 year old Dalmatian. His body is starting to let him down but he's still pretty darned smart AND he loves to escape so he can explore the neighbourhood (or more precisely our neighbour's cat bowl)

The other day I was working in my sewing room which overlooks the back yard when the Rockettes walked past my door cackling loudly. You might remember that the Rockettes have a chicken run now and no longer have free range over the back yard. Somehow they'd escaped. So of course I downed tools and rushed out the back to shoo them into their pen. But in my haste I left my workroom door ajar and that's when Nelson made his break for freedom.

It was the perfect plan. Nelson lets the chickens out (their gate isn't tied up - it's just a push-open gate). The chickens distract me. I spend a good ten minutes chasing them around the backyard while Nelson makes his get-away completely unnoticed. He had enough time to sneak into our neighbour's yard, find the cat bowl and lick it clean before I'd even noticed that he was gone. Genius!!

Out With The Old ...

This is how my Saturday went -

Got up at ten to five to meet my running group for our long, slow run. We had a 16 k run on the program and right from the beginning I knew it wasn't going to be my day. I had nothing in the tank. I'd gone out to dinner the night before and ordered the chicken salad. Big mistake! Apparently it's really important to eat carbs the night before the weekly long run. Lesson learnt!!

Went home. Showered then met my parents and sister for our weekly breakfast. Poached eggs on toast - yum! Then off to the markets to buy a fridge-load of fruit and veggies.

Home again. Unpacked the bags. Hung out the washing. Then back in the car and off to Officeworks. Officeworks is a big stationary store. Actually, it has more than stationary - it has everything you could ever want or need if you were setting up an office. I needed a couple of things for my workroom but I wanted lots of stuff. Something about that store brings out the nerdy secretary in me. Would I ever need colouring pencils? No, but I want them. What about a dozen highlighters? Or fancy letter paper? Or a colour coordinated desk set? Or that giant office-sized tin of bad instant coffee with the equally giant carton of biscuits?

I managed to restrain myself - mostly. I came home with a pencil sharpener, a packet of white envelopes, two rolls of sticky tape, a sticky tape dispenser, a very tall draftsman's stool and a desk chair for Luke. The sticky tape dispenser and the stool are my most exciting purchases (yes, I know - my life is SAD) as they are replacing some very old and worn out equipment.


The orange stool was my Grandma's but had seen better days.


In fact, every time I sat on it I was risking life and limb. It had a few skeletal issues that were beyond fixable.


And the tape dispenser had lost it's teeth and wouldn't work properly.

It's so nice to have replaced my old, faulty equipment with new, funky stuff. Out with the old and in with the new.

In a strange parallel to real life, I'd like to point out that Iven has lost a couple of teeth and has occasional back problems. Just wondering if I should adopt my new policy more broadly.

Getting Out of Bed On the Right Side

I had the best start to the morning. This is something that everyone should do once in a while. I had a massage! No, not one of those husband-ulterior motive massages. This was an honest-to-goodness sports massage from an honest-to-goodness sports masseuse.

I rocked up at her house at 7am and she pummeled me into submission. I'm hoping that this time there'll be no bruises. And she gave me a good report card. I'm in a lot better shape (my muscles are less 'woody') than last time. Could that be because I've cut the k's down a bit? Because I've been doing all my hip stability stuff? Because of the stretching and rolling I've been doing?

I'm feeling so good now. Like I can do anything. Bake cakes for Coach Chris's 40th birthday? Done! Make some bathers for a friend's twins for their second birthday? Done. Sort bikinis and posing trunks for delivery? Done! And it's not even lunch.

Maybe I should start every day like this!

Yay For Autumn

Summer is finally over - but you'd never know around here. Yesterday, the first day of Autumn, turned out to be one of our hottest days yet this year. Summer has become that annoying house guest who was only supposed to be staying for 3 nights and now, 3 months later when you've given her a key for convenience, she has settled in and refuses to leave. It's time to change the locks!

I really love Autumn. I love the way it gets gradually cooler and cooler and I get to run and see the sun rise over misty golf greens. I love that my running feels so much easier and I stink so much less after runs. I love that I can wear my tights again and don't end up with as much chaffing. I also love that the start of Autumn heralds my impending birthday.

After my blog the other day, Iven decided that he'd make an early start on birthday shopping this year. (Traditionally he's left it till the day before. There's nothing like last minute panic to clear the mind and bring inspiration.) I've been hinting for about 2 years now that I'd like some graphics for my car. Something that is really ME. Well Iven's finally got the idea and he's contacted a graphic artist to make up some doggy paw prints for my little Suzuki Swift. And I know all of this how? He gave my email address to the graphic artist. I read the email of course - because it was in my inbox!

Autumn has also brought the start of university for Luke. All the things I was looking forward to last year have finally come to fruition. I don't have to wake him up. I don't have to race him to the Citycat. I don't have to iron a uniform. I don't have to make him lunch. This morning I was fast asleep and was woken by the front door closing. When I saw that it was 7:30, I realised that Luke had just left and I didn't have to help out in any way. I finally have my life back.