Holiday Anxiety

I shouldn't be sitting at the computer. I should be in my bedroom trying to decide what to take down to Tasmania for the next couple of weeks. But I am a pretty polished procrastinator (don't you just love alliteration) and I know I still have oodles of time. And my decision-making skills become keener when they're under time constraints.

Part of my procrastination issue is that some of me is not really looking forward to this holiday. I know, I know - I'm odd! I prefer to use the term "special". Planning to enjoy myself is hard to do as is spending money in the pursuit of said enjoyment. I suffer from an enormous amount of guilt. I'm feeling guilty about leaving the boys - the two who are at home at the moment (Josh is in Thailand on his "congratulations to me - I graduated" holiday). Sam is 23 and Luke is 17 and both are more than capable of looking after themselves. And they have grandparents and aunts to lean on if need be. And we're only away for 12 days. But I'm finding relinquishing responsibility hard to do.

I'm also a little worried about spending so much alone-time with my husband. Now that really sounds crazy! We've been married 25 years on the 18th of January (which is part of the reason for the trip) but it's been ages since we've been ALONE on a holiday together. In fact I think the last time we did that was on our honeymoon almost 25 years ago.

I'm not worried about fighting. We're not fighters by any stretch of the imagination. I'm just a little worried we might bore each other into a comatose state. Iven's not much of a chatter and sometimes I get tired of doing all the hard work so I'm scared that our daily word count may be able to be tallied on our fingers.

I know I'm not alone in this. My breakfast friend, Jenny, has been married for almost 30 years and when she and her husband go out for breakfast (Jenny loves going out for breakfast) they take the paper. He reads and she does the puzzles. Like Iven and I, they still love each other but sometimes there's just not a lot to talk about.

I know I'm being a little silly and that I'll come home in a couple of weeks and will have had a lovely time. But I can't help the doubts that creep into my thoughts. We've planned some lovely activities - horse-riding at Cradle Mountain, bush walking in the national parks, visiting an orchard and picking our own fruit and, of course, the little run on Sunday.

Maybe I should just go pack my bag ...