Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Where The Wild Things Are

This story starts all the way back in March on my birthday when I was given a Kindle.

I'd never really considered getting an electronic reader. Books have always worked fine just the way they are and I didn't see any need to change my reading habits. But apparently I'm hard to shop for and my kids thought that I'd be up to handling new technology so I now am a Kindle owner and reader.

I've actually embraced this new little piece of equipment. Not least because I can get a book for less than $2 on the daily deal. I've expanded the list of authors that I'll read simply because it's not so expensive to try out someone new. 

But just occasionally I'll end up with a real paper and ink book and when that happens I need a bookmark.

I started reading The Rosie Effect the other night. Hard copy - not the electronic version. Great book. Sequel to The Rosie Project. Couldn't read it all in one hit so I needed a bookmark. Couldn't find one so I used a tissue. Night two of reading The Rosie Effect and I accidentally used the bookmark to wipe my eye.

Weird fact about me. Sometimes my eye will just randomly leak tears. I'm not crying. I'm not sad or emotional in any way. It usually happens at night when I'm reading in bed and usually happens in the eye that is lower to the ground (I read on my side). So my theory is that it has something to do with gravity. And something to do with getting old.

Obviously, having used the tissue to wipe my leaky eye I didn't want to use it as a bookmark so I went on a hunt to find the most beautiful bookmark that I've ever owned. It was a surprise birthday present from a running friend - a metal butterfly complete with bling. And for the life of me I couldn't remember where it was.

The obvious first place to look was in the top drawer of my bedside table. I had a quick rummage around without actually getting out of bed and opening up the drawer properly in the hope that my hand would land on a piece of metal that was sure to be the bookmark.

No luck! I was actually going to have to get up and do a proper search. So I pulled out the drawer. The drawer that hasn't been tidied up in years. Possibly decades. And what I found was shocking!

This drawer had, over the years, become a lingerie graveyard. Where all things slinky, satiny and lacy went to die. There were things in there that I didn't even know that I owned. A white lace suspender belt? Where the hell did that come from? And why? Pretty sure that it's never been used so if anyone is interested I'm open to offers. And, no, not THOSE kind of offers.

As I pulled each of the garments out random memories floated back (except for when I pulled out the suspender belt because I'm still baffled about that one). I still remember telling my Mum that I didn't care if people could see my legs through my skirt because my legs were still good and it was way too hot to wear a petticoat.

And underneath all those pieces of naughtiness were these.

They too had me baffled. They looked like little mints but, again, I couldn't remember buying mints to have in my bedside drawer. But hey, I couldn't remember buying a suspender belt so obviously my memory is not a steel trap. I was just about to pop one into my mouth when I dropped it and it disintegrated as it hit the table.

Not a mint. A gecko egg.

I don't know what's more disturbing - the fact that I almost ate a gecko's egg or that the geckos are having special mummy and daddy time in my lingerie drawer. If I'm not getting use out of that drawer I don't think anyone or anything else should be.

And I still haven't found the bookmark.


  1. That is fabulously hilarious! OMG You are worse than me. Do you know how good that makes me feel? Bahaha! Perhaps the geckos were inspired by the suspender belt? I have a drawer downstairs in the lounge room coffee table that is full of my bras. Every time I come home from a walk I sit on the couch and take off my bra Houdini style and stuff it in the drawer. I forget to take them to the laundry.

  2. I simply LOVE your blog. A gecko egg, really? LOL!

  3. ONe of your funniest posts yet......and you have lots of funny posts. I lose bookmarks all the time. I have not embraced my kindle. I use it mostly to travel. I have found a few good books on the daily deal. I love Catherine Ryan Hyde who is frequently on there.

  4. While the gecko egg is interesting (was the parent gecko nesting in your bras? Thought your butterfly bookmark was food?), I'd rather solve the mystery of the suspender belt. Perhaps it was left their as an amorous hint and you never discovered it!

  5. Aren't you glad you didn't reach into your drawer and grab a gecko? To begin with, they make terrible bookmarks...

  6. Fear factor... dig into a drawer of lingerie and find and eat as many gecko egg as you can in 60 sec....

  7. That is really funny! I wonder what they taste like? I fear I have a few drawers like that around. Better sort them out...!

  8. I am really happy for you that you didn't try the gecko eggs. And now thinking that maybe I have a few drawers that need some cleaning out!

  9. Ugh - gecko eggs?! I'm so happy you didn't pop one in your mouth!!! Interesting about the suspender belt - one day you will be doing something random and the thought of that belt will hit you again - maybe even the reason you have it:)

  10. Haha, lizards got it on in your unmentionables ... You're yhe best Char!!!

  11. You won't believe but on my screen I have the photo of a gecko that I rescued some years ago. Your posts are always funny.
    My bookmarks are simple post-it, no matter if I lose them!


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