New Computers and Senior Moments

Today I'm going nowhere really quickly. I've been sitting here at this computer all morning and yet I've achieved nothing. Why? Because it's a brand spanking new computer. I have finally ditched my computer that was a Frankenstein monster of all of Josh's hand-me-down parts. It had decided that enough was enough and had taken to going MIA for a few days then starting back again as if nothing had happened. Well I could no longer stand for this. I value consistency and reliability pretty highly so I've junked it's lazy, fat arse and Josh has built me a new beauty - but all I want is for it to do what the last one did.

So today's been all about trying to remember what my other had on it and putting it on this one while trying to not get way-laid by videos of cute talking babies and searching for new ideas in cupcake making. I think I'm nearly there but there are a few things that I'll need a little help with.

This computer has been a work in progress for over a week. Josh told me he'd build one for me and he ordered the parts two Fridays ago. Then he went out for the weekend and I didn't get to hear that the parts were ready to be picked up till Sunday evening - even though they were available and could have been picked up on Saturday. Iven kindly picked them up for me and Josh quickly assembled it on Monday. But by quickly assembling it I mean he put all the pieces together in the case and it sat on the floor of his bedroom unable to be used for the best part of a week.

I didn't want to pressure him to get it finished so I started using my sub-conscious nagging technique to get things moving. This is a special technique that I've perfected over the years where you do lots of nice things for the person. Then you throw in a few choice words like 'computer' over and over in conversation. You even go into their rooms when they are sleeping and whisper the job that you require doing into their ear. And eventually they wake up and decide that today is the day that it's going to happen.

Unfortunately some people are resistant to this type of manipulation and I had to resort to bribery and nagging. The bribery was in the form of a beautiful cooked breakfast on Sunday morning (the nagging had started on Friday) and that got a little action happening. But not much. It was getting quite late and if I was to have a functional machine for this week I knew that another prod was required. So Josh made a bargain with me - I'd try to fix the less-than-professional bleach job that one of his friends had done on his hair and he'd get my computer to a usable stage.

He's regretting that request today. I can sew and I can bake and I can castrate a tom cat on the kitchen table but apparently I'm not much of a hair colourist. Josh's hair is covering the spectrum from brown through orange and yellow all the way to platinum blonde. Oops! My bad!!

But my computer's working :)

And on a total change of topic - Iven and I reached a new milestone in our 25 year marriage last weekend. It was the Joint Senior Moment. He was working so he took one car and said he'd meet me at the cafe for breakfast. I drove my car there and after breakfast we left mine there and went in his to buy fruit and veg from the markets. When we got home he drove his car into my empty side of the garage and that was the moment when we both realised that we'd left the other car sitting outside the cafe. Judging from how much we laughed, getting old is going to be heaps of fun!

Awful Runs Aren't Always Bad

I had another really AWFUL run today. Can I just admit that running wasn't all I did on the run - there was also walking and a little bit of socialising? It was just one of those runs where just being there was good enough and it doesn't matter about performance.

Blind Freddy could have seen that it was going to be bad even before I started. I'd had a disturbed night. Someone went to the loo (just next to our bedroom) in the wee small hours and the creaky door (I'm going to make sure that gets oiled) woke me up. I spent the next half hour debating with myself about my own need to follow suit. I should have just bitten the bullet and gone rather than pretend I could go back to sleep with a bladder the size of a basketball. I did go in the end but by that stage I was totally awake and couldn't get back to sleep for an hour or so.

When I woke up just after 5am I almost piked but decided that I'd beat myself up all day about it so I got ready. But just before I headed out the door I checked my phone and there was a missed call from Josh's girlfriend. Josh hadn't been really happy yesterday. I can pick up his moods the moment he walks into the house. He'd gone out to see his girlfriend and I was in bed before he'd gotten home. Seeing the missed call made me immediately think that something was wrong and I got this rush through my body - a flood of adrenalin. I told myself not to over-react but the damage was done. My heart rate was already up and my muscles felt a bit jelly-like (not to be confused with cellulity)

Let's just say my first kilometer was my best. There were a few little hills but nothing I couldn't normally manage. Today they felt like mountains. I made it just past the 5k mark and ran into one of my squad friends. Can't be rude, so I stopped and chatted a while. When I started back up I had lost any momentum that I'd had so I ended up run-walking the rest of the way home. My total run was 8.5k and I walked an extra 2k interspersed in those last 3k.

Normally this would make me feel a bit upset but today I'm just happy I got a bit of running done and I got out of the house and forgot to worry for a bit. When I made it home finally Josh was awake so I could talk to him about the missed call. He told me that he'd wanted to talk to me last night and had tried to ring but had ended up talking out his relationship worries with Catherine and was feeling a lot better about things. He also told me that he had a meeting at work today which he was worrying about. So I had my chance to tell him that knowing he's not feeling great and not knowing why is causing me a lot of angst so I need him to talk to me every day and let me know how he's going. It was so good to be able to talk openly and for both of us to share our concerns.

I've noticed that my running has a direct correlation to my worrying. If I'm worrying too much I run REALLY badly. If I'm in a good place - so is my running. But if I don't run at all I worry way too much so for the moment my running has to be relaxed and no-pressure.

The other place I get to vent a lot of stress, as you all know, is in my kitchen. And it's had a bit of a flogging in the last couple of days. I've created a cupcake that even I had to break my 'no cupcake' rule for. It's actually not really a RULE, it's because I'm not that interested in cupcakes. But yesterday's creation was just begging to be tasted.

First of all I made a batch of mini-cupcake brownies. Then I made toblerone cheesecake filling and refrigerated it till it could be swirled onto the cupcakes.



And then I dipped the top in melted chocolate. It. Was. DIVINE!!

Training - Changing It Up

You might have noticed that I haven't mentioned running much lately. It's not because I'm not running. It's just because I've had to cut back a little. It's the end of the racing calendar (or at least my racing calendar) for the year. And I can't say I'm sorry.

It's been a tough running year for me. I've had too many health issues for my liking - two bouts of the flu/cold and sinusitis that lasted for 8 weeks and then there's the on-going hip injury. But I still managed 3 half marathons, a 10k and two 5k races plus, on average 50k training per week. I've missed more hill sessions than I've been to but sometimes that's the way things go.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about my running. I was so keen to build up again this year and try to re-claim some speed but I only seem to be getting slower so I've had to re-adjust my thinking. So after having a long chat with my EP son and Coach Chris, I have a new plan for this next year.

Firstly I'm putting some strength training into my exercise program. Sam's given me a program that I'm doing twice a week which will continue to strengthen my dodgy hip but will build up my leg strength. I'm doing more squats, squat jumps, hopping up stairs and core work. The session takes about an hour and he's aiming to build up to more plyometric work.

I'm not fooling myself that I'll get faster from this but I'm hoping I'll build up a little more muscle because that's what we tend to lose as we age. I've done a food audit - not like the one the dietitian did at the beginning of the year where she didn't ask about quantities. I've actually looked at the amounts I eat and found that I was averaging between 20-30g of protein per day. I was having enough calories but they were mostly in the form of carbs. Everything I've read (thank you Dr Google) has suggested that I need upwards of 50g a day and that's just for an average inactive person. So I've revamped my diet a little. I'm having protein powder with my cereal and a decent serve of protein at lunch then my usual dinner (which was where I got most of my protein from before). At least now I know that my muscles will have what they need to get stronger.

The reason I decided to change things up was because I was looking at some running photos. This one is from about 4 years ago.



And the next was two years ago when I finally had to admit that all was not well. My sister remarked that I looked wasted and when I compared it to the first pic I kinda had to agree. I'd lost a lot of muscle mass especially in my legs. It may be a little late but I'm going to try to build it back up.



I'll just be running three days a week for the next month or so and then, hopefully it'll be back to four. I'm excited about my new regime. It's going to be an interesting year.

Two Dirty Little Secrets

There are two dirty little secrets that I've been keeping hidden at the back of my closet. Way behind my Winter coat that's been stored in mothballs because it's way too hot. Behind my wedding dress wrapped in the acid-free paper and folded neatly in a big box. And even behind my old violin that's covered with dust because it's been there untouched since we moved into this house.

Secrets aren't good things. My Dad had a secret son for 16 years. Finding out that secret damaged our family down to the core and two years after finding out this secret we're only just finding our equilibrium and moving on now.

So in the interest of full disclosure (and I'm a full disclosure kind of person) I'm going to air my dirty linen.

I've fallen in love. Poor Iven doesn't know he's been usurped in my affections. He may suspect just a little but he hasn't let on that he knows for sure. And it's not that I've been trying really hard to hide it - it's just that Iven can be a little oblivious about things.

It's my new electric mixer. It's everything I dreamed of and more. I just turn the dial and I can feel the power. My old mixer had to have the beaters and the bowl scraped down all the time - but my new beauty has a beater that has scrapers incorporated into it. It has to have been designed by a baker. I've used it three times now and each time it's performed over and above expectation.

I'm not going to take my new love for granted. I'll never try to beat up thick caramel in it like I did with the last one (and that's what led to its untimely demise.)I clean it till it sparkles every time I use it. I say nice things to it - lavish it with compliments. I've even bade it a fond good night (and I haven't done that to Iven for a while now. My bad!)

My other secret is that I'm a Feeder. I offer up gifts of baked goods to anyone who comes near. I walk around with teaspoons filled with caramel or cake mix or frosting and I force it into any available mouth I can find. I just realised this yesterday as I was walking down the hallway with a spoon that I'd dipped in caramel and coated with the cake that I hollowed out of my cupcakes. But it tasted so good that I need to share the experience and the calories.

I think I've become a Feeder because it's a really easy way to make new friends, get people to visit you and, in the case of the gooey caramel I made yesterday, it's a great way to get the garrulous and slightly boring to shut up. Plus I get vicarious enjoyment of what I've made (cause I actually don't eat that much of it). And by feeding someone who enjoys what you've created, my ego gets fed.

Both secrets are a little sad and a little sick but I'm not going to change!

Walmartians and Pessimism

You only have to spend a little time at a public hospital to realise just how good you've got it. How attractive, slim and intelligent you are compared to the general population - or at least the population that spends time at a public hospital. If you've seen any of the Walmartian pics that get frequently sent to my in-box you'll know what I mean.

One of the other patients having hand surgery on Monday was one that had just a few functional synapses in his head. He'd managed to break his hand fighting (a real person, not a toilet door like Josh) They'd put his hand in a cast until his surgery but because it was a very temporary cast they only used the old-fashioned plaster of paris type. These casts can get a little hot, apparently and this boy had a brain-wave when his hand got too warm over the weekend. He plunged his plaster-of-paris-covered hand into a slushy. Ten points for ingenuity but a plastic bag over the hand may have stopped the cast from being ruined.

What I couldn't believe was the number of OBESE (not just cuddly - I'm talking about lumbering, sweaty and panting-just-walking-up-the-corridor obese) nurses and doctors that I saw. They do realise that being overweight is a main contributor to a whole host of diseases, don't they?

And the smokers!!! The hospital staff in uniform out the front having a long drag on their fags (a fag is a local term for a cigarette and I just realised that the expression I used could be really misinterpreted by the more smutty-minded of my readers) Again a major contributor of disease.

Sam recently read a study which said that the majority of the population will think of unpleasant possibilities in an optimistic light. That is - if you are a smoker and have the disease-potential of your habit pointed out to you, you will choose to believe that it won't happen to you. I had always believed optimism was a good trait but I'm starting to think that the world needs a lot more pessimists.

Josh Goes To Hospital

I spent all yesterday at the hospital. Josh's hand is now fixed and he may one day be able to play the violin again.

Hospitals are a strange microcosm of life. Normal social niceties just don't exist there and questions are asked in the guise of routine conversation that would never be asked over the dinner table.

'So when did you last pass a motion? Did you notice any blood or mucus?'

'What colour is the phlegm you've been coughing up?' (there's a weird obsession with body fluids - their shape, texture, colour and frequency)

My favourite question of the day was directed to a very sweet, grandfatherly octogenarian.

'Do you have any body piercings?'

Where were they imagining that he might have had a piercing? Do eighty year olds even do that? And did his knitting-toting wife have a matching one?

The sixty five year old man two chairs over from Josh and I was spared no indignities.

'What are you in for?'

'They're going to look at my prostate.'

'It says on your chart that you're having a trans-rectal prostatic biopsy. Have you done any bowel preparation?'

'Yes, I had an enema last night and another this morning. I was really surprised that they didn't hurt.'

I'm sorry but this has leapt feet first into the realm of way TMI! Thank goodness Josh was only there to have his hand fixed or he may have been mentally scarred for life.

But he may not come out totally unscathed. He had to wear a DRESS! It was a fetching mauve number with quite a risque split up the back. He also had to wear an audaciously cheeky pair of see-through paper undies ( not exactly cut for the male of the species). He should have shaved his legs cause you could see his lack of personal grooming right through his compression stockings. And they made hm top off this fine ensemble with a jaunty red paper hat.

I'm a mean Mum. I laughed and threatened to take pictures.

We had to wait four and a half hours until he was taken to theater. Then it was another four and a half hours waiting to be called to see him in post op.

I am not great at waiting. I read. Played sudoku. Had a coffee. Checked emails, Facebook and my blog. Had lunch. Went for a very long walk, Then waited some more.

But it's all done now and despite all the stress and worry I have a lot to be grateful for. I'm so very grateful that he didn't get bumped from the list and he got operated on. I'm grateful that I didn't vomit with nerves (which happened last time one of my children went to surgery). I'm so utterly thankful that I have a wonderful Mum who made a meal for my family so I didn't have to get home and cook. But most of all I'm glad that Josh has come through with flying colours.

The Bad and The Good

I found out this week why Josh had such a tough time on my Melbourne weekend away. About a month ago he went off his anti-depressants. He did it by himself, without his doctor's knowledge and he did it cold-turkey. My vet training didn't give me any education on anti-depressants so I had no idea that going off them cold-turkey is a big no no. When you're on them they provide all the serotonin your brain needs to keep it happy and they do it so well that your body decides that it doesn't have to make so much of its own any more. So as the levels drop in your brain you start to feel worse and worse and this can take a few weeks. Josh's bottomed out on the weekend we went away.

He went straight back on them once I got home but it'll be a couple more weeks until his serotonin levels get back to a good level so until then he's still not in a really happy place - he's not as bad as he was but not as good as he could be. And he has to deal with the fall-out of that weekend - a broken hand from punching a wall. I'd like to add at this point that Josh isn't the first of my sons to have punched a wall. Sam did it some years back after a relationship break-up. But Sam hit a wall that wasn't as strong as his fist. Josh wasn't so discerning. Plus Josh has a high pain threshold and didn't know it was broken until I told him that I thought it was.

This has resulted in two hospital visits. (The Australian system is not very efficient so we spent four hours waiting the first time and three hours when he had an appointment) When he was there at the second visit they couldn't decide if they wanted to plate it or not (Honestly the janitor that cleaned the toilets could probably see that it needed some form of internal fixation) so we've only just heard that he's to be operated on next Monday ... maybe. We get the joy of going to the hospital at 6:30 am to wait all day and maybe be bumped out of queue by a trauma that happens on the weekend. And if that happens we'll have to do it all over again. It's going to be a long week.

My stress levels have gone through the roof. Probably because I am a stress-head and always have been. And my running has tanked. This morning's session was incredibly hard - just a 12k run but I hardly made it and I walked up a hill. I know it'll come back but for now I just have to ease back and run gently.

But my silver lining on all these clouds are my wonderful friends. Yesterday I got to visit Jenny (Tuesday breakfast/running) who's just had a back operation and that was lovely. In the afternoon I got to chat with Natalie (Saturday walking/coffee). I had a test conversation with Karen who is up in Brisbane from Canberra and wanted to run with us today - seriously Karen that run made my week. Thanks for staying with my slow self. And I chatted with coach Chris about important matters of state.

And I finally got to use my new electric mixer! Is it wrong to love an electric appliance more than your spouse? IT IS AMAZING - just ask all the running squad that got to sample the first harvest from my beautiful, shiny new friend.

And best of all my computer is working again. I haven't done anything to it. It just decided there was life in the old boy still.

So although life has been a little tough I'm still chugging along and I can still manage a smile.