Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Animal Karma

In my previous and short-lived career I was a vet. And as a vet I sometimes had to do things that I didn't really like or agree with.

Shoving an arm up a cow's butt - didn't like it but on cold Winter mornings it wasn't that unpleasant.

Tail-docking puppies - definitely didn't like making the poor little puppies squeal.

Putting down pets at the owners request - hated it. And having to suggest it wasn't much better.

I had to put down a few animals in my few years practicing and there was a few incidents that were memorable. I had to go into an old man's house and put down his best friend because he was really old and really sick. The old man sat with the dog and stroked it with tears running down his cheeks while I gave it the needle. And afterwards he walked me to my car and offered me some flower bulbs because I'd admired his garden.

Another time I was asked to euthanase a very sick budgerigar. This was not long after I'd graduated and I'd never euthanased such a small bird before. We'd had to kill chickens for pathology practicals so I decided to do it the way I'd done it on the chickens which was basically to break its neck. Unfortunately budgies have a lot weaker neck than a chicken and when I twisted and pulled I managed to twist and pull the whole head off. I don't know who was more shocked - me or the vet nurse. But I am grateful that the owner hadn't wanted to take the bird home to be buried because I don't know if sticky tape would have worked on feathers and duct tape may have been a little too obvious.

So after all the bad things that I've done to animals - all the needles, the rectal temperatures, the injections of emetics, the nail clippings that were a little too generous, the tooth removals, the abscess-lancing and the very many other procedures that were intrusive and unpleasant - I think the animals are finally coming for their revenge. Either that or it's karma.

Today I had a very large bird (well, I'm assuming that it was large) crapped on my car while I was at training.

Then while I was doing my last 1500m rep, a possum ran right across my path and I almost tripped.

Nelson decided to sleep in front of my door last night and every time he had a dream (you know the one - where he's running in an open field chasing ducks) he'd kick my door. It sounded like someone was knocking and I was up twice during the night seeing who wanted to come in.

Since Iven has been away I've been the first up on three of the four mornings. And on three of the four mornings there's been a nice little present on the laundry floor for me to clean up. On the morning that Sam was up first - nothing!

And finally, today Bubbles escaped from the back yard and found something brown and very, unpleasant smelling to anoint her body in. I had an unexpected break from work to give her a bath.

So before anything more goes wrong I'd like to make a very public apology to any animal great or small that I have offended. I'm so sorry!

So can we call it a truce?


  1. "Shoving an arm up a cow's butt - didn't like it but on cold Winter mornings it wasn't that unpleasant."

    Um, lovely...

  2. Yeah Jamoosh. I'm a classy broad.

  3. Yikes! I'd never have lasted as a vet. Sounds like a tough job. Here's hoping your apology is accepted :)

  4. I think I need to show this to thing 2, who wants to be a 'pet vet'. Yikes.

  5. Nothing like a warm cow's butt on a winter morning... LOL

  6. You used to be a vet? Wow! I don't think I could ever do that. I assume vets love animals and animals so much hate to go to the vets.

  7. Why did he decide to sleep in front of your door? And why did you agree about this? :)

    Have nice runs!

  8. Oh my gosh, you're hilarious...

  9. Oh my, this is so good! Putting down animals is not for me either. I think if you love animals too much, like I do, it is better not to become a vet. May all the animals hear your apology.

  10. Karma is a bitch, isn't it? I bet you'll be glad to Iven back!

  11. I'm telling ya. It's the Aussie factor.
    You guys get the weirdest living creatures ever.

    Love the little random fact about your hand being up a cows ass.

  12. I didn't know you were a vet in a prior life, I bet you have some great stories, even better than the ones you listed. Though, I'm not sure anything can top a hand up a cow's butt...and I should just pretend I didn't read that or I may never look at your picture the same again.

  13. Sorry to hear about the animal karma! Although I think your vet duties were truly done with the best intentions.

  14. Dealing with poo is one of the reasons we don't have any pets. I get enough of that with my kids.


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