Friday, October 21, 2011

The Bad and The Good

I found out this week why Josh had such a tough time on my Melbourne weekend away. About a month ago he went off his anti-depressants. He did it by himself, without his doctor's knowledge and he did it cold-turkey. My vet training didn't give me any education on anti-depressants so I had no idea that going off them cold-turkey is a big no no. When you're on them they provide all the serotonin your brain needs to keep it happy and they do it so well that your body decides that it doesn't have to make so much of its own any more. So as the levels drop in your brain you start to feel worse and worse and this can take a few weeks. Josh's bottomed out on the weekend we went away.

He went straight back on them once I got home but it'll be a couple more weeks until his serotonin levels get back to a good level so until then he's still not in a really happy place - he's not as bad as he was but not as good as he could be. And he has to deal with the fall-out of that weekend - a broken hand from punching a wall. I'd like to add at this point that Josh isn't the first of my sons to have punched a wall. Sam did it some years back after a relationship break-up. But Sam hit a wall that wasn't as strong as his fist. Josh wasn't so discerning. Plus Josh has a high pain threshold and didn't know it was broken until I told him that I thought it was.

This has resulted in two hospital visits. (The Australian system is not very efficient so we spent four hours waiting the first time and three hours when he had an appointment) When he was there at the second visit they couldn't decide if they wanted to plate it or not (Honestly the janitor that cleaned the toilets could probably see that it needed some form of internal fixation) so we've only just heard that he's to be operated on next Monday ... maybe. We get the joy of going to the hospital at 6:30 am to wait all day and maybe be bumped out of queue by a trauma that happens on the weekend. And if that happens we'll have to do it all over again. It's going to be a long week.

My stress levels have gone through the roof. Probably because I am a stress-head and always have been. And my running has tanked. This morning's session was incredibly hard - just a 12k run but I hardly made it and I walked up a hill. I know it'll come back but for now I just have to ease back and run gently.

But my silver lining on all these clouds are my wonderful friends. Yesterday I got to visit Jenny (Tuesday breakfast/running) who's just had a back operation and that was lovely. In the afternoon I got to chat with Natalie (Saturday walking/coffee). I had a test conversation with Karen who is up in Brisbane from Canberra and wanted to run with us today - seriously Karen that run made my week. Thanks for staying with my slow self. And I chatted with coach Chris about important matters of state.

And I finally got to use my new electric mixer! Is it wrong to love an electric appliance more than your spouse? IT IS AMAZING - just ask all the running squad that got to sample the first harvest from my beautiful, shiny new friend.

And best of all my computer is working again. I haven't done anything to it. It just decided there was life in the old boy still.

So although life has been a little tough I'm still chugging along and I can still manage a smile.


  1. Hang in there. You are an amazing mother. (And also an amazing cupcake maker. When I win the lottery I WILL be over.)

  2. Yes hang in there. So much going on. I hope Josh is feeling much better soon and hope you have luck at the Dr. and get in on day one!

  3. I so understand how you feel, it's so painful as a parent to watch our children hurt so much and there's not much we can do about it but let things settle. I hope you get in an early queue to get the surgery done. I wish we lived closer, we'd for sure go on a run together and chat about our children!! Big hugs to you, girl!!!

  4. What an amazing person you are! I mean it very sincerely. I hope your runs help you with stress and worries. For me, hard runs are the only remedy for dark days.
    I am sending you virtual hugs. I wish they were real. Hang in there.

  5. Sorry to hear that it has been a rough time. Never fun to watch our kids go through hard times no matter how old they are. Excited for your electric mixer! Hugs from Oregon Char!

  6. This is such a difficult thing for a mother (and her son) to go through. You are such a great source of support for him and time will do its job. Hang in there. Big hug ((()))

    Hopefully, the surgery will happen quickly and go as well as it possibly can.

  7. Good luck for Josh's operation. Hope the running helps you deal with the stress - it must be tough on you. The mixer sounds great!

  8. Ah, Char. I'm so sorry. What a rough road mental illness can be. Hopefully he'll feel better soon and the hand will come along too. I'll be thinking of you.

  9. Sorry to hear about the rough time! Of course, running helps you.
    Good luck for Josh's operation!

  10. Sorry to hear things have been difficult. Hope they look up soon! Hang in there.

  11. Oh no, I'm sorry to hear about Josh. :( It has to be hard as his mom to see him hurting. I hope he is feeling better again soon, both emotionally and physically.

  12. You are a wonderful mom. I understand your feeling.
    Please accept a big virtual hug from the far Italy.
    However also in Italy the public health is a nightmare, I am lucky because I have a private insurance (that is part of my job-contract).
    Best wishes.


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