Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Sneaky Business

I just need to get a few sneaky things off my chest. There's been a bit of sneakiness happening around my parts - some good and some bad.

Sneaky Thing #1
Toby and I are quite enjoying our evening walks most days. On one of our walks we go past a house with a solid gate that you can't see through. And behind that gate lives one of the sneakiest dogs in the world. He sits quietly behind the gate where you can't see him and just as you're passing he attacks. But not literally. He barks ferociously and jumps at you and generally does all he can to give you a heart attack. We call him 'The Stealth Bomber' and I have the feeling that as we walk off into the distance with our hearts beating out through our chest walls, he's sniggering and chalking up another to his tally of victims.

Sneaky Thing #2
I'm fairly careful which aisle I choose when I'm in the grocery store. I generally look for a short one - that's a no-brainer. But I'll also check out basket contents - the fewer, the better. And then I look for grey hair. I know. I know. It's very ageist of me BUT I have good reason. It's a known fact that older ladies like to have handbags with lots of zippered compartments in them. And it's a known fact that older ladies can be occasionally forgetful. So put a forgetful person in charge of a handbag that has way too many hidey holes and you get a LONG wait. Usually the handbag is so large, because of the need to have so many compartments, that the owner needs to put it down on the counter, totally preventing the next person in queue from putting down their item (which is usually something incredibly cold and not in a basket because you only needed to pick up one thing.)

Last week I selected my aisle carefully - short queue, person in front had healthy chestnut locks and a fairly empty basket. It wasn't until she tried to pay that I realised that those chestnut locks had come out of a bottle. Sneaky! She couldn't find her wallet, couldn't remember her pin number and I couldn't put down my ice cream. By the time she managed to pay for her goods I had lost circulation in my fingers. Luckily none of them needed to be amputated. Beware the sneaky dye job!

Sneaky Thing #3
Luke told me yesterday that he'd been teaching Toby a new trick. He balances a bit of food on Toby's nose and, on command, Toby flicks it up into the air and catches in his mouth. Luke was very keen to show me while he was having dinner and I was so excited about seeing the new trick that I had to record it.

As you can see it's a work in progress - or a total fail UNLESS you're someone who doesn't like green beans. Luke doesn't. He eats them under duress. And he managed to empty his plate of them right in front of me without eating a single one! Major sneakiness!!!

Sneaky Thing #4
I have to admit it was me who was sneaky. The thing is, Iven has a habit that drives me to distraction. He's a little older than I (10years) and came from a 'waste not, want not' background. It pains him bitterly to throw anything out and that does include mouldy jam or bread. His most frustrating trait though is putting back the Vegemite jar in the fridge when it's empty. I think that he's being lazy and doesn't want to wash it up but he'll swear black and blue that there's enough spread left for at least another sandwich - maybe even a couple.

I pulled out the Vegemite jar from the fridge the other day to find it as good as empty and decided that two could play at this game. I diligently scraped every last morsel from the inside with my best scraper and returned the jar to the fridge.

The next day I found that it had been replaced by the new jar. I think that's the first time in our 26 years of marriage and I'll chalk that up to a win to my sneaky side.

So has anyone else been sneaky or been on the end of some sneakiness?


  1. Kids are best at the sneakies, although your jam jar trick really was ...let's say, "clever"! I'm definitely guilty of the sneaky hair-dying thing! And I have a big bag w/lots of zippers ...it's all downhill from here, isn't it?

  2. I am especially laughing at the last one. It is true that our husbands do some things that drive us CRAZY! My husband has multiple jars of the same thing in the refrigerator and keeps opening new ones. Today there were 3 jars emptied and clean for recycling. But why didn't he take them down and put them IN the recycling?

  3. That's exactly how the Caveman is! He'll eat all but a few crumbs then leave the container. It's ridiculous really. My kids are massive treat sneakers. To the extent that I no longer buy them. Ha!

  4. Haha, I look for the grey hair in queues as well. Anette definitely thinks jars are empty long before I think so.

  5. Great post! i was drooling out nectarine juice with all my laughing. Colin is a LAZY bum sometimes but more so I'm the one who leaves the empty stuff around ;)

    "He's a little older than I" <---- big Colin bonus marks. He loves the proper use of "I" and "me" :)

    I love Toby, even if he can't wait to catch his treat. Too bad I'm married...and live in Canada your son is hot ;)

    and the grocery store paragraph IS SO RELATABLE! as who else shops during the day but moms and the elderly. I'm always holding that darn milk trying to tell myself it's strength training while the old person in front of me is forgetting their pin # for the 5th time! lol

  6. Too funny with the Vegemite (did I spell that right? And will you tell us what is in it?)! My hubz refuses to put his clothes in the hamper. He just throws them down RIGHT NEXT TO IT! Glad you figured out a way to "work it out" ;)

  7. I love the Vegemite story.....I would have done the same thing, maybe even washed it out and put it back in the fridge. My kids are too lazy to replace anything though...they'd just put it back and then get another so we'd have two jars in there.

    I also hate to get behind check-writer woman at the grocery store. They take FOREVER to write in all those numbers. I just like to swipe my card and viola, done!

  8. I sometimes hear dogs who bark ferociously while I am running past same houses in my town ... I hate them!

    You made me laugh with the sneaky thing #2 about the elderly lady who couldn't find her wallet and couldn't remember her PIN number. Those people always read their lists of goods quietly and don't care about other people.


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