There comes to a point in every parent's life when the inevitable happens. You realise that your baby is getting up close and personal with the opposite sex. In my day, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, you waited (or pretended to wait) until you were married or at the very least engaged. But waiting seems to be a thing of the distant past and a lot of parents are incredibly grateful if their kids have left high school before it happens.
Back in my day we also were very private about things like that. My parents still have no idea when I lost my virginity. It just wasn't spoken of. I don't know if it's boys or if it's just my boys, but I have had a pretty good idea that they have become sexually active fairly soon after the event. So when it happens, as a good parent, I was compelled to have THAT conversation - not about the birds and the bees, but about sexual health, effective contraception and respect. Oh man! I was never equipped for conversations like that but Iven is even worse so the buck stopped with me.
I finally had to have THAT conversation with my youngest baby not long ago. He's out of high school and been with his girlfriend for over a year so I suppose it was inevitable. But once the facts are out, you get thrown other curve balls like "can my girlfriend sleep over?"
The only reason I'm writing about this is because I was totally unprepared for this when it happened and I figured if I throw it out into cyber-space there may be someone else like me who hasn't given it a thought and my post triggers a little forethought on the topic.
Iven and I decided that if they were already sleeping together they were probably not going to stop so we have allowed it with certain guidelines. They have to be in a relationship for some time and the girl is not allowed to sleep over more than twice a week and this has worked fairly well. But I'm thinking of changing the rules for Luke's girlfriend. She stayed over last night and as far as I'm concerned she can stay over every night. I walked past his room after they had left and it is sooo clean! The bed is beautifully made and the floor is clutter-free. I don't know about Luke, but I'm in love!
Tough one. My daughter is 16 and I prefer the bury-head-in-sand approach. Okay, not really.
ReplyDeleteI suspect my approach would be not to allow a sleepover until the person is an adult (18).
I had the "condom conversation" with my boys starting at age 5, when my oldest told me he wanted 12 kids and to work at a grocery store. As they got older, I'd bring it up every few months and make them recite things back to me, like "why do you wear a condom?"
ReplyDeleteI also pretty much knew when they became sexually active, but never had to deal with the "can she sleep over" issue.
I'm nowhere near this so I can't really relate but all I can say is you sound like one AWESOME mom! Your boys are so lucky!!
ReplyDeleteLOL and thanks for the heads up! My oldest being 16, we are heading for this probably sooner than we would like... I agree with Chris above - I don't think I would feel comfortable with girlfriends sleeping over until they were 18 or at least out of high school. Am I being old fashioned?
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on this...we allowed it with our kids, with certain guidelines. They're doing it anyway and as a mom I preferred knowing what was going on and with whom (no denial)...and mostly, they just want to spend all night together.
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one. I think you handled it well though. Please keep us up to date so that we can learn from you!
ReplyDeleteMy son is only 10 so I'm not close to this. I agree, you handled it very well and your boys are lucky to have you as their mom.
ReplyDeleteOhhhh I'm sooooo not ready for that/this.
ReplyDeleteWe had a "padded bra" convo that was a little much for me last night.
Love your posts.
15 and 12 yr old boys...they have been hearing about babies/sex/condoms from an early age. I would rather be a bit embarressed than a Grampa...maybe later, but not now...just my 10 cents worth
ReplyDeleteMy son would love your open attitude. I talked about many related topics long before my oldest ever had first hand experience that involved another person (no bun intended). However at my son's age I am still not okay with him sleep with a girlfriend under my roof. She is welcomed to stay over, join us on vacations, whatever but she will be sleeping alone. My oldest has two younger sibilings who will be encouraged to "wait" and it is hard enough to encourage and support that "wait" behavior without an older sibling demonstrating the opposite. Just because few do "wait" doesn't mean I will accept that my kids won't. Oy! It just doesn't get easier as they get older...and I still have two to go!
ReplyDeleteYou really are a great Mom. I think that children need those conversations but we would have to do them step by step.
ReplyDeleteShe sounds like a keeper! For you anyway!
ReplyDeleteWere on the cusp of all things sexual with a soon to be 5th grader here. They cover the down and dirty in school this year so that means i need to have 'the talk' as well. Cannot believe were crossing this bridge already.
I agree with you, she sounds like a keeper, no wonder you're in love!
ReplyDeleteI love the boundries you set up, it's mature and respectful for all involved.
This is a hot topic, thanks for putting it out there. I feel like I've made some mistakes in this area of child rearing and it's good to think about these things BEFORE they arrive and become confusing.
Keep us posted!
This post cracks me up! That should definitely be a rule - girls can sleep over if they keep the room tidy and make the bed, or at least encourage your sons to do so!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this, something to think about.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter has just asked to go away in December with a male friend and I have said no. She is adamant that they are just friends and i have no doubt about that, its just that it doesn't seem right for a girl to go with a guy. I'm happy to have her male friends here to visit. May be double standards.
Hope your son learns the girlfriends good habits.