Thursday, July 7, 2011

Relationships - How To Feel Rich Without It Being About Money.

This week has really shown me the importance of all the relationships in my life.

It started with the wonderful weekend with all of my wonderful training squad. And my amazing husband who was dragged along for the ride and just did whatever I wanted him to. But the real benefit of relationships isn't in the good times. In the good times having friends and families there just enhances the experience. The benefit of strong relationships really shows itself when times are tough. And times got a little tough in the middle of the week.

Josh was struggling at work this week. He's been on a project for a while and progress has been slow. Josh's self-esteem is so low that slow progress = reason to be sacked. No one has complained about the slow progress and no one has told him he needs to improve. These thoughts are his own and they play out over and over again until he's feeling really low and Wednesday was the day that it all reached a head.

The day started out normally but at lunch time I got a text saying that he was struggling. I tried to do my best cheer-leader imitation but I knew it wouldn't have much of an influence. When he got home he could barely talk and went straight to bed. He just wanted to sleep to escape. But I didn't think that hiding in his sleep-cave was the best thing for him. I thought it would be better to be amongst people. And as luck would have it, Wednesday is family dinner night where my extended family have dinner at Mum's house. We pushed and prodded until Josh had no option but to come.

He hardly said a word to anyone when he arrived and plonked himself in front of the television. My niece arrived with baby Anneke and halfway through dinner I manipulated things so that Josh was left holding the baby. BEST THING EVER! How can you not smile just a little when you have a baby in your arms? And if they grizzle you just have to get up and jiggle them till they're happy again. Suddenly you're not thinking about yourself - you're thinking of someone else's needs. And suddenly Josh started to pick up. He began to interact with the family and he smiled just a little. Family is the best medicine when you're hurting.

Whenever he gets like this I'm affected pretty dramatically. I felt sick when I woke up on Thursday wondering how he'd cope with the day ahead. I couldn't face pushing myself up hills but I needed to run for my mental health so I just went along one of my favourite routes. I set my Garmin on heart rate and the aim was to keep it low. My head really wasn't in a good place and I kept thinking about Josh and every time I did my heart rate jumped 20 beats. It was incredible seeing such a dramatic demonstration of stress. The run didn't do what I hoped it would and I felt sick to my stomach with worry. But luckily my family came to the rescue again. I met up with my Mum and a sister doing grocery shopping and my beautiful sister gave me empathy-chocolate. (mmm almond M&Ms) It was just a thoughtful little gesture that showed that they cared.

Josh came home in a better state yesterday. Work went well and he's on an even keel again. I'm no longer feeling nauseated and my heart rate is back down to normal. And I'm counting the blessings of the wonderful family and friends in my life. (Even Coach Chris has checked in with me today to see how I'm getting on.) I'm so thankful to have all these caring people in my life.


  1. Aww, this post truly made my heart smile. When you wrote about Josh being handed the baby...yes, such can you not smile and warm up to this. Family is truly awesome. So thankful for family and those close relationships in life to help us get through the hard parts, celebrate the wonderful parts, and enjoy day to day life with. Lovely post Char. Thinking of you and hoping that all continues to go well with your Josh. :)

  2. I am so sorry to hear Josh is having a tough time, and by extension, you as well. It is so hard as a mom - we suffer right along with them and sometimes there is not much we can do to help. But sounds like you have a great web of loving support! Hang in there - hope things look up soon.

  3. Good move with the baby! It must be so hard for you to see your son suffer like this. He is lucky to have such a caring, supportive family. Hope he's coping better now, and good luck to him in his job.

  4. You're such a caring, sensitive mom and you knew just the thing to take Josh's mind out of his worries. Glad he, and you are doing better!

  5. Glad to hear you have such good support.
    Depression or any other disease is as tough on the person suffering from it as it is on those around who care. Be strong. Hugs.

  6. When our children hurt we hurt so badly. It is hard for sure. Glad things turned around.

  7. Sorry to hear that about your son! You have a great loving support and I hope all will go well with your Josh.

    I've just read your comment, which you wrote on Stefano's blog, about his red running shirt. You made me laugh :)

  8. As dad and grandpa I understand your feeling.
    Glad you have good support.
    All the best.


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