Thursday, April 19, 2012

Oh The Shame

It came down to a very embarrassing event to make me finally share my enormous Easter egg. Remember this picture from a couple of weeks ago? 

I've been slowly but surely making my way through this egg - breaking off a bit at night to have with my cup of tea, grabbing a handful of almond M&Ms when I've had an annoying client or when I've just felt like it. And I've been enduring the discomfort of the stomach cramps and gas because there's a fundamental rule of Easter chocolate - you don't have to share it.

All my boys managed to scoff theirs down pretty quickly (except for Luke who likes to eke his out). In fact I think I saw Josh put a whole medium sized egg into his mouth in one hit. But no one has asked me to share my egg. No one's even looked at it sideways with longing in their eyes because they know that my chocolate is sacrosanct.

But the pleasure hasn't been without pain and it's been getting worse this week (cause I've been eating more - doh!). And I've tried to 'harden-up' and push through the pain but ...

Tuesday I had to get a few groceries. Just a few so I could go through the express checkout. The queues were all quite long and there was a little waiting involved (so much for express) and I had a pain in my belly. I had a quick look over my shoulder. Good, no one was behind me and the music was loud so no one was going to hear what I was about to perpetrate. So I relaxed and it felt so much better. And that's when the short person, who'd been standing around to the left of me, moved a little more to the right - into my line of sight when I checked back guiltily. And she was REALLY short - a little close to the source for my liking.

I have never prayed so hard for a smell-less fart in my life. I'm sure God was roaring laughing in heaven - "She wants an odourless fart? Whatever happened to world peace??"

So my egg went with me to our weekly family dinner and it's way smaller now. And if I feel at all tempted I just remember my total shame and the chocolate-lust vanishes.


  1. Oh, I thought this was going to be a post about how you made me this gigantic red velvet cupcake for my birthday and then shamefully ate it before you could FedEx it over to my pad. That must mean it's actually en route :).

    I'm laughing so hard at the little person behind you in line at the store. I'm pretty sure I let one out at Target recently and really prayed no one was behind me. Sometimes you just can't hold that in, it just hurts too much! Haha. Good to hear your stash of chocolate is vanishing due to the family members. Should help with the grocery store incident :)

  2. THis may be your funniest post ever. I love it. I didn't see that coming - the short lady at first - but I am sitting here laughing and laughing at this story.

  3. You absolutely kill me! I was eating Sugar Babies, but I put them away because I have to go to the store tomorrow :)

  4. LOL! The express lane was turbo charged!

  5. Haha, you are something else! Odourless...not likely with a pain in your belly...

  6. Even the thought of parping a smelly one in front of a short person is not enough to put me off chocolate. Glad you have been enjoying it!

  7. A great tale, you made me laugh a lot.
    And what about this problem during a crowded race? We cannot wait for being the last.

  8. Funny story. I could really picture it... Thank goodness pictures don't have a smell. lol

  9. Easter chocolate again? I hope that when you go shopping the music will be loud again :) ...
    You made me laugh!

    Have a nice weekend!


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